Book Four: Spirit Chapter 1: Azula's Lost Days
by DominusPisces
Summary: The war is over, but what of poor Azula? What is the Avatar and Firelord to do with her? What is she to do with herself? Will she be left to die in prison as she loses her mind or can something bring her back from the edge? Post Finale' Spoiler Warnings.
1. Previously on Avatar

**I do not own Avatar the Last Airbender (IdnoAtLA ) Please enjoy my story! All constructive feedback welcome.  
Real quick, since each season is a book and each episode is a chapter: I decided to call each story a chapter and each  
actual individule chapter in said story a Page to keep with the whole book theme. Additionally, All stories I write may contain: Violence, death, torture, betrayal, pairings and any other twist, nasty or virtuous thing. I will not give away a plot point by going "Warning contains Char death/Sex/Rape/ etc" Read my story and be prepared for any of it. ENJOY!**

**Book 4: Spirit**

**Chapter 1: Azula's Lost Days**

**Previously on Avatar:**

Azula glared at Mai, the utter shock was evident on her face. Why, why would Mai choose her failure of a brother and treason over _her?_ "I guess you just don't know people as well as you think you do…" Mai spoke in that infuriatingly monotone voice of hers as she looked up defiantly at the Fire Princess. "You miscalculated. I love Zuko more than I fear you."

Azula felt something inside her snap as her normally calculating and composed expression screwed up into a twisted snarl as she lost control. "No **_you_** miscalculated! You should have feared me more!" Azula took her stance as Mai drew out a knife. It didn't matter. Mai would pay for betraying her, for choosing Zuko. Azula lanced out her arm to Bend when two sharp jabs left her unable to move, with Ty Lee's extended arm being the last thing she saw, as her momentum drove her to the hard metal floor.

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Azula's victory over her defiant hair was short lived as her wide smile withered and she gazed in shock at her mother's reflection. She hadn't changed at all in the years since she was banished. She was still dressed in her royal finery as she was on that last fateful day she saw her. When, Grandfather had ordered her father to kill Zuko. That was the day when her mother had shown how all she loved was Zuko, how there was nothing left in her heart for Azula. Her anger flared as she listened to her. "Don't pretend to act proud. I know what you really think of me…" Azula snapped at her mother's reflection, unwilling to turn and look at the woman who abandoned her.

Ursa's voice was soft and kind, exactly the way she would speak to Zuko, never the way she would speak to her. "I think you're confused; all your life you've used fear to control people, like your friends Mai and Ty Lee." Azula's face scrunched up, as her eyes burned and she closed her eyes trying to shut out her mother's words.

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Zuko stood resolute. Determination was set in the eyes of the banished prince as he stared at his sister from across the courtyard. Katara was still staring in shock at Zuko's plan to take Azula on alone and at the height of her power. "There's something off about her. I can't explain it, but she's slipping" Zuko said in a quiet confidence.

Katara looked from Zuko's grim face back to Azula's, and she winced at the crazed smile and wide eyes rimmed with dark lines from what must have been lack of sleep. She swallowed and knew Zuko was playing a dangerous game.

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"You mean it's not obvious yet?!" Azula screamed in an uncharacteristically emotional voice as Zuko looked up at his sister from her airship. His eyes narrowed at her less than stellar control over herself. "I'm about to celebrate becoming an only child!" With a wild eyed expression and a cruel smile The Fire Princess grabbed the railing and lanced a kick, sending wild, hot, blue, flames screaming towards her brother. The thought of watching him burn and ending the horrific nightmare of his existence, the thought of no one being able to choose him over her ever again, nearly made her heart burst with elation.

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Azula stared deep within the flickering flames of the bon fire her brother and friends shared at Ember Island; her voice carried itself softly into the night, softer than the salt laden air from the ocean in a rare moment of introspection. "My own _mother_ thought I was a monster…"

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"…you think I'm a _monster_." Azula half accused and half bitterly accepted as she tore her eyes from her mother. She felt a sick knot in her stomach, as she pulled her eyes from her mirror, not sure if she was turning her back on her mother, or on the wild haired reflection she saw gazing back at her.

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Azula saw her brother lying prone, vulnerable and helpless as the wasteful scum _her father,_ always knew her brother to be. She watched him twitch as left over lightning crackled around him. She felt a thrill she hadn't felt in years; she charged, as the Water Tribe peasant rushed in to help him. She didn't realize, as she managed a staggered run as her arms flailed limply, that she was laughing like a twisted child given sweets.

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Azula summoned up her indignation at her mother's attack against her character and turned defiantly towards her. Her sleep deprived body leaning heavily against the table for support. Why did she choose _now_ to return from banishment? Did she just want to tarnish Azula's coronation? Did she have to taint that as well? "Well what choice do I have!?" Azula challenged the woman who deserted her so many years ago, because Zuko was more important than she was…

…She could not take anymore. She grabbed the hair brush, eyes burning so much as she spun, and heaved it with all her might at her mirror. The massive shattering and crashing of the broken pieces of the mirror masked the sound of her knees hitting the floor and the first few seconds of her sobbing.

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Azula nearly hyperventilated as she panted and struggled against the chains that the Water Tribe bitch tied her down with. She stared, fixated on her brother. Her rage and humiliation built with each breath until her heart was overflowing and she felt as if she were choking. Finally it caught in her throat and her face shot down and her eyes closed tightly feeling bile rise up as if she was going to be sick. _She lost_. Not just the Agni Kai, she lost everything. She was utterly and unequivocally alone and defeated. It was too much for her pride to take and all reason and rational deserted her. She screamed, and she poured all her rage and misery into a disturbingly beautiful and uncontrollable blast of blue flame from her mouth. She screamed and screamed until the force of her flames forced her back, stretching her back painfully past her exhausted body's limits. The final humiliation was her own flames turning on her. Something inside her gave and she just sobbed brokenly; tears streamed down her face in rivers as she used the last of her strength to right herself as best she could, and with one final, choking sob passed out into merciful blackness.

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	2. Page 1 Cancer in the Soul

**Book 4: Spirit**

**Chapter 1: Azula's Lost Days**

**Previously on Avatar:**

Azula glared at Mai, the utter shock was evident on her face. Why, why would Mai choose her failure of a brother and treason over _her?_ "I guess you just don't know people as well as you think you do…" Mai spoke in that infuriatingly monotone voice of hers as she looked up defiantly at the Fire Princess. "You miscalculated. I love Zuko more than I fear you."

Azula felt something inside her snap as her normally calculating and composed expression screwed up into a twisted snarl as she lost control. "No **_you_** miscalculated! You should have feared me more!" Azula took her stance as Mai drew out a knife. It didn't matter. Mai would pay for betraying her, for choosing Zuko. Azula lanced out her arm to Bend when two sharp jabs left her unable to move, with Ty Lee's extended arm being the last thing she saw, as her momentum drove her to the hard metal floor.

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Azula's victory over her defiant hair was short lived as her wide smile withered and she gazed in shock at her mother's reflection. She hadn't changed at all in the years since she was banished. She was still dressed in her royal finery as she was on that last fateful day she saw her. When, Grandfather had ordered her father to kill Zuko. That was the day when her mother had shown how all she loved was Zuko, how there was nothing left in her heart for Azula. Her anger flared as she listened to her. "Don't pretend to act proud. I know what you really think of me…" Azula snapped at her mother's reflection, unwilling to turn and look at the woman who abandoned her.

Ursa's voice was soft and kind, exactly the way she would speak to Zuko, never the way she would speak to her. "I think you're confused; all your life you've used fear to control people, like your friends Mai and Ty Lee." Azula's face scrunched up, as her eyes burned and she closed her eyes trying to shut out her mother's words.

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Zuko stood resolute. Determination was set in the eyes of the banished prince as he stared at his sister from across the courtyard. Katara was still staring in shock at Zuko's plan to take Azula on alone and at the height of her power. "There's something off about her. I can't explain it, but she's slipping" Zuko said in a quiet confidence.

Katara looked from Zuko's grim face back to Azula's, and she winced at the crazed smile and wide eyes rimmed with dark lines from what must have been lack of sleep. She swallowed and knew Zuko was playing a dangerous game.

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"You mean it's not obvious yet?!" Azula screamed in an uncharacteristically emotional voice as Zuko looked up at his sister from her airship. His eyes narrowed at her less than stellar control over herself. "I'm about to celebrate becoming an only child!" With a wild eyed expression and a cruel smile The Fire Princess grabbed the railing and lanced a kick, sending wild, hot, blue, flames screaming towards her brother. The thought of watching him burn and ending the horrific nightmare of his existence, the thought of no one being able to choose him over her ever again, nearly made her heart burst with elation.

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Azula stared deep within the flickering flames of the bon fire her brother and friends shared at Ember Island; her voice carried itself softly into the night, softer than the salt laden air from the ocean in a rare moment of introspection. "My own _mother_ thought I was a monster…"

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"…you think I'm a _monster_." Azula half accused and half bitterly accepted as she tore her eyes from her mother. She felt a sick knot in her stomach, as she pulled her eyes from her mirror, not sure if she was turning her back on her mother, or on the wild haired reflection she saw gazing back at her.

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Azula saw her brother lying prone, vulnerable and helpless as the wasteful scum _her father,_ always knew her brother to be. She watched him twitch as left over lightning crackled around him. She felt a thrill she hadn't felt in years; she charged, as the Water Tribe peasant rushed in to help him. She didn't realize, as she managed a staggered run as her arms flailed limply, that she was laughing like a twisted child given sweets.

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Azula summoned up her indignation at her mother's attack against her character and turned defiantly towards her. Her sleep deprived body leaning heavily against the table for support. Why did she choose _now_ to return from banishment? Did she just want to tarnish Azula's coronation? Did she have to taint that as well? "Well what choice do I have!?" Azula challenged the woman who deserted her so many years ago, because Zuko was more important than she was…

…She could not take anymore. She grabbed the hair brush, eyes burning so much as she spun, and heaved it with all her might at her mirror. The massive shattering and crashing of the broken pieces of the mirror masked the sound of her knees hitting the floor and the first few seconds of her sobbing.

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Azula nearly hyperventilated as she panted and struggled against the chains that the Water Tribe bitch tied her down with. She stared, fixated on her brother. Her rage and humiliation built with each breath until her heart was overflowing and she felt as if she were choking. Finally it caught in her throat and her face shot down and her eyes closed tightly feeling bile rise up as if she was going to be sick. _She lost_. Not just the Agni Kai, she lost everything. She was utterly and unequivocally alone and defeated. It was too much for her pride to take and all reason and rational deserted her. She screamed, and she poured all her rage and misery into a disturbingly beautiful and uncontrollable blast of blue flame from her mouth. She screamed and screamed until the force of her flames forced her back, stretching her back painfully past her exhausted body's limits. The final humiliation was her own flames turning on her. Something inside her gave and she just sobbed brokenly; tears streamed down her face in rivers as she used the last of her strength to right herself as best she could, and with one final, choking sob passed out into merciful blackness.

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	3. Page 2 Of States and Hearts

**Disclaimer: (IdnoAtLA) Disclaimer: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and either posted comments or emailed me their thoughts!**

**Please Read and Review All Constructive critique Welcome. Enjoy**

**Book 4: Spirit**

**Chapter 1: Azula's Lost Days**

**Page 2 – Of States and Hearts.**

Everything was hectic while Aang and Zuko negotiated with the prisoners over terms of the Fire Nation's withdraw from Earth Kingdom and Water Tribe lands. Other than her and Sokka's father, Hakoda, and the swamp bender Hue, Katara knew that none of the other prisoners really had the authority to negotiate on behalf of their homes, but they had all agreed to bring the invitation to meet to their respective leaders, kings and chiefs. Despite the energy and optimism Katara saw that the Avatar and Zuko,_ Fire Lord _Zuko she corrected herself, were having trouble with the negotiations. They all had assumed that once Zuko proclaimed the war over and everyone cheered that the hardest part was behind them.

They were quite naive. Zuko and Aang were not prepared for negotiation. If it wasn't for Mai, who had some knowledge of politics due to her parents' political aspirations and the Fire Sages, Zuko and Aang would have been easily overwhelmed. Still, as exhausting as it was, everyone was in good spirits when they left, thanks to all the promise in the air. Katara noticed how the mood of the room abruptly changed. Zuko,_ damn it he's not Fire Lord to me _Katara thought to herself unable to think of him as anything else than her friend, had sat down on his dais. They had thought it best not to light the pyre behind the throne out of fear of looking to intimidate any of the guests. He looked down; Katara had a feeling of what was on his mind.

"Azula." The moment he said that name, every smile faded. Aang looked to Katara and then to Zuko. Katara had told Aang all about the fire princess's utter breakdown. Sokka's face took on a hard quality as did Suki's no doubt still furious over the Kyoshi warrior's jailing. Toph just stared there with her usual stubborn look. Mai just stared with a blank look that told Katara she might not have been bothered; it was so hard to tell what the assassin felt or thought. To be honest Katara had no experience dealing with Mai to know what she thought. The Water Tribe girl was still getting used to the assassin just being there. "We have a very dangerous prisoner on our hands." Zuko said gravely looking down at everyone as he gripped Mai's hand tightly. Katara felt the sick feeling of her pity rise up in her stomach.

"What's the big deal?" Sokka asked. "She's secure now. Just leave her to rot."

Suki nodded. "Leave the bitch tied to the wall the rest of her life." Katara winced; Aang scrunched his face up; Zuko just looked like he aged fifty years.

"Does she really deserve that?" Aang asked. "I mean in jail is one thing, but tied to a rock the rest of her life?"

"You can't leave Azula locked in that horrible place!" Everyone turned to the sudden scream and saw Ty Lee standing in the doorway her face was flushed and eyes were filled with worry. "No one deserves that!" The newest addition to the Kyoshi Warriors was clad in their traditional green robes and make-up when she arrived. No one really was surprised she had skipped out on the negotiations. She had no interest in politics and had not played a part in bringing down Azula or Ozai. Katara didn't mention it, but she was grateful someone was there to speak out on Azula's behalf. _Every trial should have a Defender to argue the Prosecutor_. She thought.

Mai was the next to speak she sounded dead calm; the same as her old monotone. "Ty Lee… Azula's not well she's just raving like an animal. She can't be helped."

The Acrobat cart wheeled and back flipped with astonishing quickness and was instantly in Zuko's face. Everyone stood up as if they expected her to attack.

"She's not an animal! She is a person!" Katara saw how angry and hurt Ty Lee was over this. This was the first time she ever saw her, this emotional. She was normally like a platypus-otter, always playing; even in the middle of a fight. Katara looked down suddenly very interested in playing with her hands rather than watch the argument she knew was coming.

"Easy for you to say Ty Lee!" Suki said with anger in her voice. "She had me and _our_ sisters locked up and tortured, she attacked us! She used our uniforms, our identity to conquer a nation!" Katara heard foot steps walking. She assumed Suki had pulled from Sokka and was walking closer to the acrobat. Katara turned ready to act incase a fight broke out. She noted that both Aang and Zuko looked to be getting headaches as bad as hers.

"She locked me up too!" Ty Lee said as she turned from Zuko. Mai reached out and grabbed her arm.

"Ty…" She started in her flat voice. Ty Lee simply pulled from her grip and ignored her as she attacked Suki verbally.

"She locked us away and left us both to be forgotten!" She pointed to Mai, Mai's face scrunched up, Zuko's face flashed angrily. "And Mai and I attacked you too, but you forgave me and her!"

"That's different Ty Lee…" Suki began only to be cut off again.

"No it's not! She's suffered enough! She lost the throne." She turned to Mai pleadingly for help. The sad smile Katara wore as Ty Lee defended Azula fell when she saw the hard look in Mai's eyes. "She's your friend too! Mai she's lost! All she's done since she woke up today was babble and cry! She has no aura left. It's like she has no will power no drive. Nothing! She makes your aura look like a fire works display!" Ty Lee nearly burst into tears.

"Here we go with the auras again." Zuko said as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. Zuko looked up to her defiant face. "What would you have me do Ty Lee? Let her go? Should I send her to the asylum near Ember Island? They aren't equipped to handle Fire benders of her caliber"

"So we're just going to abandon her?" Ty Lee looked defeated and shook her head. "This is **_cruel._**She was sick. What're your excuses?" She smeared her red and white make-up and threw her helmet down by Suki's feet and everyone just stared. "I'd rather be a 'circus freak'." She bitterly hissed as she stormed off.

Suki looked in shock; Mai, Mai didn't look like she felt anything but called out. "Ty Lee wait!" She ran off after her as did Suki after a quick squeeze of Sokka's hand.

Toph was the one who finally spoke. "This isn't helping. Can't we just lock her up and have a doctor or something see her in jail?" Katara looked to Zuko hopeful.

Zuko also stopped to consider it, he shook his head. "No. We can't. She's too powerful a bender, and with her being so unstable." He shook his head sadly.

Katara felt Aang squeeze her hand and finally spoke. "I can take away her bending like I did Ozai." Zuko looked to the Avatar, Sokka nodded, probably still too angry to comment.

Toph nodded. "At least we wouldn't have to keep her chained up unable to move. She can have a real cell." She 'looked' to everyone with her ghosted over eyes.

Zuko thought it over. Katara's thoughts were swimming. She thought how alone and pathetic Azula looked when she lost the Agni Kai. She thought about Ty Lee's words, hasn't she suffered enough, kept running through Katara's mind. Zuko finally stood and nodded.

"We'll do that." He said sighing heavily clearly not wanting to do that. Katara looked sadly to him. It spoke allot about how far he has come as a person since they first fought against each other. For him to have this kind of choice that was clearly paining him more than the scar on his stomach from her lightning bolts. She didn't envy him. His crown looked like it weighed tons right then. "What do you need to do... what ever it is you do?"

"I just need a few minutes with her. We don't have to wake her; it can wait until morning." Aang and everyone else looked outside and saw it was dark already. She may have been asleep, but Katara knew. Aang was stalling because he didn't want to either. Katara was angry at them both and herself. No one who had the authority to punish her actually wanted to punish her. No one was saying anything because they felt it was their duty. Katara opened her mouth to speak out like Ty Lee, but could not find her voice as she pondered over it. Did Azula deserve her bending? After all the misery she had caused, did she have the right to that kind of power? If she became better Aang could always give it back to her, right? Katara's shoulders stiffened as she remembered Azula's wailing and it gnawed at her.

"Katara?" Katara was jostled out of the bothering memory. "What's wrong?"

"Oh nothing Aang." She tried to sound sincere, but it was clearly a lie and Aang knew it and gave her that hurt look he does, when ever it comes to her feelings and her hiding them. She sighed. "Do we have to do this?" She saw Sokka glare at her and the Avatar stare at her incredulously. Zuko just looked hopeful. "I mean why not give her a special prison cell?" She looked to Zuko her blue eyes pleading. "You have to have something in this city for prisoners who can Fire bend! I don't think her mind can take having something else being taken from her. I mean, is it really justice? Is it really right to snap her last link to reality?"

Sokka sighed and broke down finally. "I'll ask the Mechanist if he can design a prison for Azula. He hasn't left for home yet."

Katara nodded to her brother. "Thanks Sokka." She said quietly

"Yeah, yeah. What ever." Sokka sighed and looked at the rest of the group that was still there. "I just hope the rest of you aren't about to make a big mistake. She's a vicious and evil girl who would never have done this kind of soul searching for any of us." Sokka said bitterly as he looked to the direction Suki ran off to.

Zuko, who looked surprisingly younger and a bit better, nodded. "Alright, tomorrow I'll issue my decision in the morning. Until then, good night." Everyone nodded and said good night

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	4. Page 3 Lowly Discussions

**Disclaimer: (IdnoAtLA) Thanks very much for the positive feedback I appreciate it. Don't be afraid to offer constructive criticism as well. Also I feel my biggest challenge is keeping in character, Please let me know if I am keeping in line with their portrayed way of thinking in a believable way. Again thanks for the appreciation!**

**Please Read and Review All Constructive critique Welcome. Enjoy**

**Book 4: Spirit**

**Chapter 1: Azula's Lost Days**

**Page 3 – Lowly Discussions.**

An hour after they retreated for the night, Katara came to the sad realization that sleep would not be forth coming. With a sigh she rose up from the red silk sheets of her bed and stretched until several satisfying cracks resounded down her back as she grunted. She distracted herself a moment by examining her room again. It was tastefully done in reds, gold and black. Ornate dark cherry red furniture lined the room including a vanity with a large pitcher and a water basin for washing. She walked to the vanity and gazed at herself. She noticed the chocolate curls of hair that splayed along her face. She took in the bright blue eyes, set in her snow tanned face and she noticed, with a hint of annoyance, the dark circles under her eyes.

She sighed softly as she looked down to take in her reflection in the water basin and dipped her hand in the wavering fluid. _Is this how Azula sees herself? _ She asked herself. _Distorted? Broken? Can she even see her reflection where she is? Would she even recognize it if she did see it?_ Her eyes reflected the uncomfortable feeling of pity rise up in her and she tried to force it down with anger and with a flick of her hand she froze the water. The sharp jagged edges of the hastily frozen water gave her already angry reflection an even more sharp edged look as she turned away ashamed at her weakness.

"Why should it matter to me?" She angrily accused herself out loud as she grabbed the sides of her head in frustration. The late hour and her insomnia not doing anything to help her headache, she rubbed her temples and looked outside into the quiet night from a window. She did not know why Azula bothered her so much. She had chased them around the world, nearly killed them several times. _She had killed Aang_. She thought angrily as her jaw clenched. She was a monster and did not deserve to see the light of day. She, as sure as the Moon and Ocean spirits, didn't deserve her bending.

She turned, still seething, to head back to bed and froze when she saw her reflection. It was still her face that gazed back, but it wasn't either. Her jaw was clenched; her teeth were bared, and her eyes were pure ice. She was far enough away from the mirror that she could see the tension in her shoulders under the thin, red nightgown the palace attendants had provided her. She suddenly felt sick, not with pity but with shame. Her eyes softened. The woman she saw gazing at herself in the mirror might as well have been Azula had the princess been born a Water bender.

Katara was aghast at herself. Had one moment of anger changed her so quickly? Was that the face she wore when she confronted the soldier that had killed her mother? She drummed her fingers along a dresser as she sighed heavily. As angry as she was she hadn't killed that man. Azula would have killed Zuko and herself if she had, had the chance. What had one moment of remembered anger nearly made her do? What had a lifetime of anger made Azula do?

She could not think in here. She had to step outside and walk to clear her head. She grabbed a robe, red as everything else was. _Can't they use some blue now and again? _Katara internally complained. She slipped it on as she walked outside. The night was peaceful. It was a complete contrast between how busy it was today. She looked up to the moon and sighed wishing it were full. As it was, the moon was waning for the month, but at least it was still mostly full. The full moon was only just a week ago. Had it been only a week and a half since she nearly took a life? She sighed and walked on. Had it been only three days since Zuko and Katara landed in the courtyard to face his sister? It felt like a lifetime. She tried to shut out her thoughts by closing her eyes as she tried not to ask herself if it felt like a lifetime to Azula.

She forced her eyes open and frowned. This wasn't helping her. She did not love Azula like her friends. In truth she did not care about her. Maybe it was the healer in her, and the broken way Azula had sobbed that made her feel pity for her. She walked out from under the arched patio into one of the gardens and smiled a bit as she stroked the leaves of a large plant. She felt the water pulse in its veins and focused on that to calm her somewhat. She had heard someone talking and moved quietly and peeked from behind a tree to see Ty Lee, Mai and Suki by a pond. Ty Lee was crying, sitting on a rock with her arms on her knees and her face in her hands.

"She must still be upset." Katara whispered to herself. She was not close enough to hear, but she could guess what the acrobat was crying about. She looked over to Suki who just seemed to have a shocked expression on her face that was touched by sympathy. Mai, well Mai as always looked detached, but Katara was sure that the girl felt something under it all. The two girls were friends after all. It had to affect her on some level. A small and amused smile touched Katara's lips as Mai looked side to side a bit awkwardly and patted Ty Lee's shoulder. However forced and uncomfortable the gesture looked, Katara could tell she was sincere. She moved away quietly so as not to disturb them.

Her wanderings eventually brought her back inside as she walked about the palace. The soft sound of her slippers making slight scuff noises every step she took. She still could not believe the war was over, finally. She wondered to herself where she fit into the world now. Where should she go? She always went where people needed her most. Should she go home to the South Pole? She longed to see home, but she didn't know if she wanted to spend the rest of her life there after everything that had happened. She spent the last year traveling with Aang and the rest of her friends.

She froze wide eyed. What was to happen to the group now that all of this was over? This past year all they focused on was their duty. They gave no thought to what was to come after. Their plan had been 'defeat the Fire Lord and fix the world' that had been it. When they were done here what then? Zuko obviously would stay here to lead the Fire Nation. Katara thought it ironic that the one she trusted the least, knew the least would mean so much to her now. She shook her head. She could not believe how Zuko had jumped into the lightning bolt Azula had conjured. Then there was Toph. Surely she would go back home at least to visit her parents, and then what? Would she go back to fighting? Would her and her parents reconcile? She was always independent. Would the girl she viewed as a little sister go off on her own? Even her brother would unlikely stay home. His spirit had broadened the most. Without bending, Sokka had truly realized himself. He was a master swordsman, and a blossoming inventor. Both of these things could not really be nurtured on a sea of ice hunting seals. Besides, he had Suki. He would probably move to Kyoshi Island to be with Suki.

She wiped a few tears from her eyes as she thought of Aang. Should she remain with him? She resumed walking as she thought it over. She cared for Aang deeply, but how did she care for him? She told herself at the playhouse on Ember Island that she did not want to be with Aang despite their feelings because of how unknown the outcome of their mission was. She was, she was ashamed to admit it, afraid to admit she loved someone that way, who could be dead soon. Now what was the obstacle? Would Aang even have time for her? The Avatar's duty is to the world. Not to one lovesick Water Tribe girl, but then, Zuko had once said that Roku married and had children. Without which the Fire Prince would not have been born.

She sighed confused and rubbed her temples. What _did_ that make Zuko and Aang? Katara thought while trying to distract herself from thinking about her feelings. Roku was Aang's most recent past life. Roku's granddaughter, Ursa, was Zuko's mother. Even if not directly by blood, should that not make them spiritually related? Were they brothers? Were they cousins, or if Aang could be compared to Roku's son, being the Avatar after the Fire bender, would that make Aang… Zuko's great uncle? Katara could not suppress a giggle as she thought of it. It was funny; if you ignore the years Aang was frozen and realized that he was younger than Zuko.

"Doesn't that cut both ways?" Katara asked herself out loud. Katara thought how different the two Fire bending siblings were. Zuko was kind and compassionate. Azula was cold and heartless, yet they both came from the same parents. Why was Zuko good and Azula bad? Then again Zuko was not good when they first met. He was angry, determined and a grave threat. He had tried to kill them several times. Katara was not ashamed that she was wrong and refused to trust Zuko when he offered to join them. She had good reason not too, but he changed. Zuko had been conflicted and confused by twisted family loyalty and his monster of a father. Azula certainly was confused did that mean she could be helped?

_Right back around in a whirlpool current, Katara._ She chastised herself. She was right back where she started mentally. She was obsessing over the Fire Princess. Maybe she should go see her? Katara dismissed that as a bad idea and a dangerous one. She was foolish for thinking it. She paused in her internal argument as she passed a large ornate door. It was large, made of wood and covered in gold leaf. The style of the door was similar to Zuko's bed chamber door but grander. _Whose could it be?_ Katara wondered. It was not his father's; Katara had gone with Zuko to retrieve something from the monster's room. It had to be Azula's, Katara realized with a start. It made sense. It was nicer looking than Zuko's door; no doubt the room was bigger. It was no secret which child Ozai favored, but Ozai would never give a nicer room than his own to anyone.

She felt trepidation as she bit her lip and nodded to herself and walked to the door. "I'll check the door see it's locked and head back to my room and salvage what sleep I can." She touched the knob and it turned open. _Damn it_! Walking inside she was impressed by its splendor. Azula did have good, if opulent taste. Everything was necessary. Not a fixture or piece of furniture was superfluous, but it was all exquisite and ornate. She heard an odd scraping noise and made her way to it, she turned a corner in Azula's suite and saw a vanity area with a large mirror, or rather the remains of one. Half the mirror was cracked, and the shards lay upon the floor. What Katara noticed though was the hunched figure of an old woman looking at her as she cleaned up the shards.

"I'm so, so sorry…" Katara stammered. "I didn't realize this room was used."

"It's not used." The woman stood up. There was an awkward pause as the woman looked confused and turned her head to the side. Katara did not know what she expected to find as no one else was there, but the woman turned her head back to Katara and continued. "The rightful resident is living somewhere else now." The bitterness in the woman's aged voice was clearly evident. Katara saw how ancient she looked. She was at least as old as Hama. Katara's eyes darted back around the room to avoid the smoldering look in the old woman's eyes. Katara saw a picture of Azula on a night stand. She frowned and looked back at the old woman. She remembered back to what Zuko had told them of the palace and some of his memories of who lived there. She saw the anger in the old woman's eyes, noticed how uncomfortable she felt and noticed the long ear lobes.

"This _is_ Azula's room…" Katara whispered. "…and you must be Lo."

"Li actually." The old woman said curtly. "And you are that Water Tribe girl that cheated in Azula's Agni Kai." Li practically hissed out. Another long pause, not as long as the first, and Li resumed. "You have much nerve young lady to disrespect Lady Azula a second time by trespassing in her room."

"Cheated?" Katara was incredulous. "I didn't cheat. She attacked me!" Katara was angry. She knew some people might not like that Zuko bested Azula, but she had no right to spread rumors of Zuko cheating.

"I know Water bender. We… I mean, I was there. I went to watch Azula's coronation." Li glared even more. Even though she was hunched over and barely came to Katara's neck, Katara still felt like she was being stared down from by her Gran-Gran. How did short old people always manage that? "You were on the field of the duel. You had no right to be there." Li's pauses were starting to get to Katara. It was almost as if the old woman expected someone else to say the next sentence. "I may not be a Fire bender but I know the proper rules of an Agni Kai. One Fire bender versus another, anything on the field may be used against their opponent and **_no one_** may interfere. Zuko was defeated. Whether Azula attacked you or not is irrelevant. It was permitted. You attacked Azula. You invalidated the Agni Kai and Zuko's 'win'"

Katara was shocked. She had no idea what the rules of the Agni Kai were. She bit her lip. She had interfered to try and save Zuko's life, and to save her own, and to save the whole Fire Nation, and she did it to save the World. Didn't this woman understand that? "I did what I had to do."

"Convenient excuse Water bender." Li glared at her as Katara looked away. "But an Agni Kai is a duel of honor. Not a tool of duty!" She pointed a gnarled hand to Katara. "Azula made it clear that the Crown was on the line. I may care for Zuko as much as I care for Azula, but he should not have claimed the Crown for himself." She bitterly spat out and turned to face the mirror.

"I saw what you did to her. How you pushed her already fragile state of mind over to match what she did to her mirror. Everyone is rejoicing that 'Fire Lord' Zuko has ended the war and is releasing all the political prisoners." The old woman just sighed and her shoulders slumped. She sounded defeated. "All I can do is mourn for Lady Azula, and I don't even have Lo to mourn with."

"What happened to your sister?" Katara whispered, genuinely touched by the old woman's sadness.

"Azula banished her." Katara was astonished. Li turned back around to glare at Katara almost challenging her to say something. Katara kept silent and Li continued. "My sister and I went to express our concern for Lady Azula's well being to her. She was quite distraught after her 'friends' betrayed her and was very hurt that Fire Lord Ozai left her behind when he went to lead the Earth Kingdom invasion without her despite what he originally said to her." Li sighed and continued. "When I suggested that we postpone her coronation she became enraged when she couldn't tell us apart and who had suggested it. She banned one of us."

"But if she banned your sister, why are you upset that Zuko's Fire Lord now? He overruled her previous edicts and Lo, I'm sure will be back in the next day or so. She couldn't reasonably expect to rule a whole country the way she was!" Katara challenged.

"Maybe not, but she was still appointed by the proper Fire Lord. She still won the Agni Kai. And most of all, she was still fragile and hurting. She acted irrationally, because she had felt a loss. She may have gotten over it and moved on. Now…" Li shook her head sadly. "A few hours before her coronation I came by here to try and talk to her, explain to her how we just wanted what was best for her. I came to that very door and heard her yelling at someone. I don't know who, nor did I hear them, but she yelled and screamed. All I could hear her say was 'trust is for fools' and something about being a monster. When I heard a crash I came in to see her crying by herself in front of this mirror. No one was in here. I am ashamed to say, but I was afraid and quietly walked out before she knew I was there." Li wiped a few tears from her wrinkled face.

"I vowed to talk to her after she was crowned, but I never got the chance. I don't know what to do for her. All I can do is pray to the dragons to help her. Though I feel after everything, it will be a long time before she sees anything clearly. That is if she isn't executed first." She sighed and rudely walked past a wide eyed Katara. "I have lived a long time Little Water bender. I am weary of seeing royalty die, especially a special girl who showed so much promise." She stopped to turn to Katara from the doorway. "I am afraid my old joints cannot take such late nights. I am retiring for the evening. Please, for your own honor and out of respect for Lady Azula I ask that you leave her chambers immediately."

Katara numbly nodded; she looked down a moment, and caught her jagged and broken reflection in the broken glass shards staring at her. Even though it was the same reflection, she could see a different emotion in each one. She walked out of the room, and heard Li shut the door behind her as she walked down the hallway more confused than ever.

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	5. Page 4 Is Blood Thicker?

**Disclaimer: (IdnoAtLA) Page 4 is up thanks again for all your feed back**

**Please Read and Review All Constructive critique Welcome. Enjoy**

**Book 4: Spirit**

**Chapter 1: Azula's Lost Days**

**Page 4 – Is Blood Thicker?**

It was impossible to see anything. Bright bursts of blue and orange flames dominated everything. Their harsh brightness slamming everything else in dark relief as his retinas were over exposed. All that exists to his eyes are the flames and the figure standing right next to them. He taunts her, not because he wanted to hurt her. He wanted to defeat her, needed to defeat her, but he, despite everything just wanted to goad her into making a mistake, and ending this as quickly as possible. It worked and failed, like so many other things in his life. The bolt that he was prepared for, that he would make his own and refocus its purpose wasn't meant for him. Instead, the deadly lance of energy arched its way to his friend. He acted without thinking. He placed his mission in jeopardy and rescued her.

It was exactly what she wanted. He took the energy within him, but he was the one now unfocused. He barely managed to channel the comet enhanced lightning into his stomach, but with his rushed attempt some of the energy still crackled up into his heart. He pushed out as much of the energy as he could into the air, but he was still in bad shape. He remembered his friend rushing to help him, and heard more fire nearby. The laugh was the worst. It cackled, and it was devoid of any real thought. It was unlike her. It had no planning behind it, just a malicious glee. What has happened to my sister? He thinks. He turns to look and sees her charging his friend on bright blue flames bursting from her feet. He feels himself jostled hard and forces himself to sit up to defend her.

"Azula!" Zuko screams as he lances his arm out to Fire bend and to separate her and Katara. He blinks confused for a moment when all he sees in front of him are his bedchambers and Mai a little off to his side, her delicate looking hand gripped onto his wrist holding it away from her.

"You know Fire Lord, if it wasn't your sister's name being called out in your sleep I could be getting jealous. I suppose I should count myself lucky it wasn't the Water bender's name you called." Mai, with her eyes slightly open in shock from the near hit she took, spoke in her dry monotone, but Zuko knew her enough to hear the slight sarcasm to her voice. He also knew her enough to hear the tiny undercurrent of bitterness in her voice; he knew his sister was still a sore subject for her.

"Sorry Mai." Zuko rubbed his face a little trying to pull himself completely from his impromptu nap. "Just a bad dream."

Mai nodded her head very lightly. "The Agni Kai?"

Zuko's face scrunched up as if he smelled something disgusting. "If you can call it that, it was a fiasco." Zuko finally took notice of his surroundings. He was in his bed chambers, that he already knew, and he saw he was sitting at his desk with a stack of papers in front of him. He last remembered reading over the amount of troops stationed everywhere around the world. He was trying to distract himself from thinking of Azula, and he must have fallen asleep.

"Want to talk about it?" Mai's voice took on a patient rather than bored sound and Zuko looked back to her. He could not help but smile. She was standing there still in the flowing dress of dark burgundy she preferred, the rich folds of cloth no doubt previously concealing the dozens of knives he saw laid out on a table nearby. With her back to the window, the waning moon silhouetting her perfect and curved form, Zuko noticed how pale and perfect her skin was. Her eyes, grey orbs tinted with just a hint of the amber so common among Fire Nation women, matched her normally non expressive face. His smile faded slightly as he saw the dark circles under her eyes.

"What time is it?" He asked as he tried to avoid her question.

Her response was dry and to the point. "Some point late in the night, past half way between sunset and sunrise. Are you all right Zuko?" Her voice softened as she said his name, and her normally detached face twitched a tiny bit as her feelings caught up with her appearance.

"Yes I'm fine; no I don't want to talk about it." Mai's face flinched subtly and her face melted back into non-expressiveness. He frowned at himself, he didn't mean to sound harsh. He stood up and walked over to the wash basin and poured water from the silver vase and splashed it on his face. He turned to her as she waited patiently for him to respond. "I'm sorry Mai, I didn't mean to snap." He slouched and leaned back against his vanity. "I just don't know what to do any more." He sighed; he did not want to burden Mai with his problems, especially since Azula would not be her favorite person right now, and especially since she probably had been talking to Ty Lee all this time. Zuko knew the acrobat; she was quite capable of talking about her feelings for hours. "How is Ty Lee by the way?

Mai walked over and took a wash cloth dipped it in the water and demurely dabbed her face under her eyes. "She'll be alright. She just needs time." Zuko could hear the uncertainty in her voice; Mai was not lying so much as trying to convince herself. "As for you Zuko." She laid her hands against his face, gently caressing his cheeks and scar. "You need sleep, real sleep not stolen cat naps."

"But Mai…" He protested weakly. "So much needs to get done and…"

Mai cut him off. "But nothing Zuko, you won't be an effective leader if you are constantly exhausted."

"I'm not a good leader Mai." He huffed bitterly and looked down. He knew he wasn't. If it wasn't for Mai and the Fire Sages, he would have no idea what to do. That was the one thing now he wished he had of his monster of a father. At least Ozai knew the matters of state very well. "I'm Fire Lord now, and I can't do anything right Mai." His eyes closed. "The war is over; that was supposed to fix everything. My generals say some soldiers are threatening rebellion. Some have openly threatened the Avatar, me and you." His eyes open and flashed dangerously as he thought of anyone hurting Mai.

"Did you think it would be easy Zuko?" Mai asked with the patience one gives a young child. "You said it yourself when you were crowned the other day. A hundred years of war have left this world divided. The Fire Nation has been told it is the best country in the world and that it is our duty to bring that prosperity to the other nations." Mai clicked her tongue as she looked to Zuko ruefully. "You have said to everyone that, that was a lie. Not everyone will look kindly to that slap in the face. Even I thought you were a traitor, remember what I said to you at the Boiling Rock?" Zuko nodded. She shook her head and a small smile touched her lips as she looked at him. "This world doesn't need another diplomat. The Sun only knows we don't need someone like me making the decisions. We need someone who believes what he says. You belong on the throne; because you think you're humble, because you aren't a politician. That is what makes you a leader; you speak from your heart." She finished, lightly tapping his chest.

Zuko blinked, that was the most she ever spoke when she sounded emotional he managed another smile and kissed her lips softly. She returned it willingly and she broke apart from him and sighed as she laid her hands on his shoulders. "But that isn't why you won't sleep." She paused hesitantly her voice swaying back into her neutral tone. "It's about Azula isn't it?"

He sighed and nodded. "What am I supposed to do Mai? She's my sister."

"She is also a war criminal."

His eyes narrowed. "So is every other soldier not in the homeland. She has been nothing but dad's tool for so long. It's not her fault he warped her." He protested softly.

"She had a choice Zuko, just as you did." She challenged. "And yes I am still angry with her, and yes I am conflicted too, but you are Fire Lord now. You have a duty to your people. What about justice for them and everyone she's hurt?" Mai was a good politician; he was just about to say she said what she had because she was angry.

"But I have a duty to my family too. I can't just abandon her."

"Didn't she abandon you? Didn't your father?"

"I'm not like them." He turned and pulled from her wrapping his arms around himself tightly feeling a chill that wasn't caused by the warm air in the room. He looked into the mirror not seeing the scar but seeing the gold eyes that stared back from his father's and sister's face. "I am nothing like them."

"Thank the spirits for that" Mai said under her breath. "Do you at least know what you've narrowed yourself down to with her yet?" She asked. Zuko could tell how sympathetic she was. It took all his self control not to scream and yell at Sokka and Suki today when they said to leave her to rot. It was no surprise to him that Ty Lee had defended her, but it did surprise him that Katara defended her. But then, she was there with you Zuko. He thought. Maybe, Katara saw something in her worth salvaging.

"I don't want to leave her chained to a wall the rest of her life. That's cruel even for her." He shuddered. Katara and he were there when they secured her with the chains and mask. Well Katara had waited outside the cell when she was secured. He did not want to know what came over Azula when she woke up. That did not stop him from listening to the guards' reports though, and what he heard, chilled him to the bone.

"I have to agree, that is a bit much, but isn't that for her own safety as well as the guards'? She is one of the most dangerous Fire benders alive." Zuko was getting tired of Mai playing The Face Stealer's Advocate. It didn't help that she was right.

"Aang can take away her bending like he did to Dad, but I can't help but think that is just as cruel." Mai listened quietly. Zuko knew that Mai was keeping her opinion to herself and just gave Zuko the quiet to follow his train of thought. "But then she can be sent somewhere for help, without worrying about her burning the place down." Zuko's eyes shot open and he looked to her hopefully. "Or I can banish her like Father did me. That's what got me on the right path." His face fell. "But she's in no condition to be out of eye sight of anyone."

"That and you would have the other nations, especially the Earth Kingdom, screaming bloody murder." She added in her contemplative monotone.

Zuko's face twisted into bitterness. He looked away. "Justice shouldn't have to be mixed with politics."

Mai tenderly cupped Zuko's face again and gently turned his face to hers. "I know lover…" Mai's voice was tender and soft. "But that's how the world is right now. Maybe you can change it though, at least starting with the Fire Nation. It's your choice." Mai's eyes twinkled with a rare show of mischief. "But Fire Lord Zuko, this is not your choice." She cleared her throat. "I order you to go to bed!" Zuko could tell she suppressed a giggle and he smiled. "You will think much clearer in the morning. I promise you." She pulled Zuko by the arm to the bed and sat down. He hesitated.

"I didn't win Mai."

Mai looked to her, her eyes narrowed a bit in confusion. "Win what Zuko?" She asked as she undid the two buns in her hair.

"The Agni Kai, Azula had beaten me. She shot at Katara and I reacted. I jumped in front of the lightning. I was on the ground helpless." Zuko looked down again. "Katara interfered. She beat Azula not me. The Agni Kai should not have counted, but I still claimed the crown."

Mai looked to Zuko, her eyes were narrowed, no doubt with new anger at Azula. Her eyes softened before responding. "You may have not won technically, Zuko, but Azula was dishonorable in her attack. You didn't claim the crown because you won some silly duel. You claimed the crown because the people need you, not her. Never forget that. I didn't believe you when you said you were doing this for your country at the Boiling Rock, but I believe you now. I would rather put my nation's life in your hands Fire Lord Zuko." With that, Mai pulled harder and Zuko followed his arm to the bed and into sleep.

xxxxxxxxx

Katara had no idea what possessed her to make the trip, but she found herself standing in front of the prison. She was actually surprised that they had a prison this close to the palace. She had wondered how Zuko had been able to run from the palace to where his Uncle was supposed to be kept when Zuko had told them of how he spent the Day of Black Sun.

That was then, but now Katara found herself here. It was an imposing structure that looked like a vulture-wasp hive. It was a near spiral upwards dotted with windows. A large door gave access to it across a drawbridge which itself was protected by a massive wall. She drew the cloak tightly around herself and made sure the hood was secured. She was grateful she had found the traveling cloak. She was also amazed that her wardrobe had a choice between a red cloak and a blue cloak. She started to hate the color red with a passion by now, but had chosen the red for fear of appearing out of place. This was not a good time for foreigners to be alone. Many Fire Nation nationals took offense to anyone who was different now that Zuko had proclaimed them not the best nation in the world.

She made her way to the prison as confidently as possible. She kept her back straight as she made her way to the two guards that watched over the prison. Predictably they stopped her. "Ma'am I'll have to see written orders to allow you to pass."

Katara frowned; she had not thought this through. Why did she assume she could get in so easily? What was she to do now? Should she try to bluff her way in, or should she walk off? Katara did not think that walking off would be good. Oh I'm sorry I must have the wrong address. Katara thought, sarcastically, that would work swimmingly with the guards. If she tried to lie she could be found out. She hated lying anyways. Maybe she could try a middle ground?

She slipped her hood off her face. "I am Katara of the Water Tribe. I have come to examine Zuko…" She swallowed suddenly realizing her mistake as the guard's eyes narrowed. "…Fire Lord's sister." She prayed they didn't notice her slip with Zuko's name. She still wasn't used to thinking of him as 'Fire Lord'.

"Zuko?" The guards were clearly suspicious they noticed the obvious pause in her use of his name and title.

Katara's heart raced. She did not want to be caught and have to spend the night in a holding cell and try to explain this to anyone. She really did not want Zuko to know she came here. After her talk with Li, Katara wandered aimlessly, and found herself making her way here. She did not know why she wanted to see Azula, but she felt it was something she should do. Now she tried to come up with a lie on the spot. "I am sorry I forget where I am at times. It is proper etiquette in the Water Tribes to say a person's name first and then their title." She did not know where it came from as she tried desperately to remember all the times Toph used her family to wriggle her way around officials. She pointed to herself for emphasis. "Katara, Lady." She tried not to wince at how thin her story was.

The one guard who seemed to be in charge narrowed his eyes at her suspiciously. His gruff voice cut through her hopes like a water whip. "I am sorry miss but unless you have written orders I cannot allow you access into the prison, especially this late. I can send a runner to the palace if your orders are critical but I cannot…"

Katara was surprised when the next guard interrupted. "I recognize you." Katara clearly was shocked by this. "Ember Island. That play. You're the Water bender that was seeing the Fire Lord when he was in exile again."

Katara's face flushed red. She hated that play with a passion but if it helped her get in. She nodded. "That's not how it completely happened, but yes that was me she played." She tried to give them her biggest smile.

The other guard considered. "Was it true that you're a healer and you un-brainwashed that one kid, what was his name…? Onyx?"

Katara suddenly felt a pain in her chest as her smile deserted her. She lowered her voice softly. "Jet. His name was Jet." She was so choked up with emotion that she had to swallow a few sobs at the painful memory.

The guards looked to each other and leaned in close and discussed something quietly amongst them selves and nodded and looked back to her. The head guard spoke in his gruff voice. "We normally don't allow anyone in here without orders, but as you are close personal friends with the Fire Lord and a healer come to check on a royal prisoner. We will let you pass. Quan Chin will escort you." He nodded opened the door and the other guard led the way.

Katara never liked prisons. They were depressing places as she looked at all the people either asleep in their cells or eyeing her dangerously. Finally they came to a heavy steel door and that was opened. Two guards stood behind it guarding another door. Quan Chin led her in and explained that she was here to see the princess.

"…but the prisoner is asleep for once. Why see her now?" One of Azula's guards said.

"Well they do get the reports each day. Maybe they know she's worse than a dragon when she's awake?" This satisfied the two guards who quietly opened the door and she made her way inside. The room clearly had no windows and she could barely make out Azula from the flickering torches that adorned the walls on either side of the guards on the other side of the door.

What Katara saw, nearly made her ill. Azula was chained spread eagled against the wall. She still had her tunic on, though her armor had been removed. Her face was still encased in a metal mask. Katara knew that was to deter a bender from breathing fire. It made Azula look truly like a monster or some sort of hideous doll. She winced as she took in the ex-princess's mangled and matted hair. Her eyes looked swollen even under the low light as if she had been crying or been getting no sleep what-so-ever. The only fixtures in the room were an unused cot, a bucket of water and a chamber pot. She asked the guards what she had been doing.

"She usually screams or cries herself to sleep. Thrashing around and the like. Lady Katara, err Katara, Lady." Katara could not muster the mirth to smile. Quan Chin must have told them about 'Water Tribe' etiquette while she was lost in her thoughts. "She's too dangerous to be loose when we're in there. It's bad enough that we can't fetch her pot until she goes to sleep." Katara winced and turned back to Azula. The chains that bound her wrists, which Katara noticed left red marks on her skin, disappeared into slits in the walls. She turned back to the guards.

"I want you two to lower her enough slack so I can examine her back and leave the room for a few minutes." Katara saw them look hesitantly and she nodded to them. "I'll be alright" They saluted, lowered the former princess to an angle and stepped on the other side of the door.

She was alone with Azula. She walked over to her and looked. Even asleep, she could see the worry and fidgeting on Azula's face, as if she was having a nightmare. She looked closer to her face and saw that she had tear stains down her eyes, and could see them darting frantically under her eye lids. Katara felt the overwhelming wave of pity crash against her spirit. Azula truly looked helpless and pathetic. She understood Ty Lee's anguish allot better now that she saw Azula. She sighed softly and whispered to herself. "What are we supposed to do for you Azula?" She hated this woman. Hated what she nearly did and did, but Ty Lee was right. She did not deserve to spend the rest of her life like this, and she could not help but feel for her. There's just something in there vulnerable and, human. She thought as she looked at her

She tore her eyes from her face and looked to her back. Even through the tunic Katara could see the bunched up muscles that were cramping. Katara knew those cramps must be causing Azula great discomfort. She sighed. She could not heal her mind, but maybe she could heal her body somewhat. She bent water from her pouch and coiled it around her hands, she placed her hands on her back, and the water started to glow a soft blue, filling the room with a soft cool light.

Katara worked on the strained muscles, forcing them to relax, and putting enough pressure with the water on her back and shoulders to crack the joints back into place. Her muscles and back were so stressed and popped so much that it sounded like when she poured milk on top of puffed rice.

Azula groaned softly in her sleep first in pain and then steadily more relaxed as her face went more and more slack as Katara Healed. Katara was having a problem with the last joint in her neck. It finally slipped into place with a loud pop that seemed to stir Azula into semi wakefulness.

"Huh…?" Azula's eyes started to drift open just as Katara finished the last joint.

Katara panicked and did the only thing she could think of. "Shhh…." She whispered in the softest tone she could give, like the sound she would use to get a baby back home to sleep as she rubbed a hand gently up and down Azula's newly straightened back.

"Thi… thirsty…" Azula mumbled half aware; her eyes desperately fighting to stay open but her body fighting to go back to sleep. Katara gently brought the water she used to heal up to Azula's lips and offered the Fire bender some. She drank the offered water and Katara took her hand away and bent the water back into the pouch when she seemed finished and quickly, but quietly, made her way back to the door and knocked gently on it to be let out. She started to walk out when she heard Azula speak again.

"Thank you… mother." Azula spoke softly, her voice soft, grateful, and half dreamily asleep. Katara was shocked as she never expected a voice, so sincere and human to come out of Azula. She looked back to the princess, eyes threatening to tear over as she turned and walked out of the cell. Hearing the door close behind her, she swore she could hear Azula softly crying as she left the prison. Katara vowed that she would do something. She could not leave Azula like this.


	6. Page 5 Is it Human?

**Disclaimer: (IdnoAtLA) Page 5 is up thanks again for all your feed back**

**Please Read and Review All Constructive critique Welcome. Enjoy**

**Book 4: Spirit**

**Chapter 1: Azula's Lost Days**

**Page 5 – Is it Human?**

Azula had lost track of time since she had first woken up in this dreadful place. She had no idea how long she had been here, a day or two, maybe? There was no window, so she did not even have the sun to use to measure time. To be honest Azula did not really care about the matter since she began waking up in here. _I have nothing left anymore. _Was the only thought running through her head. She did not deserve to be here. She was the rightful Fire Lord! She had thrashed and screamed and ordered, but to no avail for the guards did not obey her. "Traitors!" She screamed at them. "Release me now! Or I will have you all executed!" She would thrash and struggle as hard as she could, but eventually, her strength would give out and she would be left with the cold realization that she had no control over the situation.

She truly had nothing left anymore. Zuko had stolen everything form her. Their mother, her friends and he had stolen her father from her. The worst though, was that Zuko had stolen a part of her soul. She did not know how he had done it, but that**_ bastard _**had taken her Fire from her. She did not even have the control over her life to kill herself.

She hated the prison for that reason most of all. With nothing to do, all she could do was reflect on what she lost. Or rage against those who betrayed her. She threatened and screamed and thrashed, not because she thought it would do any good any more, but because it was all she had to distract herself from the long pauses of her day. When her treacherous body eventually gave out its strength and she collapsed against the chains, the full force of her mourning overpowered her, and brokenly, she would sob, until exhaustion made her pass out for a few hours until she woke up to repeat the process.

Without any other means of measuring time the distant, rational part of her mind had settled on counting the times the guards brought her food. If one could call the slop they tried to give her food. They refused to remove her mask, so twice a day, or so Azula had figured, they brought a bowl of warm mush to pour down her mouth with a funnel. Azula had refused to eat any of it at first. She kept her mouth closed tightly.

_It must be drugs in that gruel_. She told herself. That was how they stole her bending. Some horrible chi blocking concoction her Uncle Iroh had probably shown them. After not eating while she awaited her coronation out of fear, _concern Azula... you were concerned not afraid_ she told herself, of being poisoned and at least two days without food or water, Azula's survival instinct overwhelmed her and she took the gruel they gave her willingly. It tasted awful, but it didn't taste funny to her, but then she never ate anything this low quality, so the poison could be hidden in its horrid taste.

To think, her, Princess Azula had been reduced to being fed like this. It was humiliating. She managed to keep her composure during that ordeal; at least until the guards finished feeding her, but as soon as the funnel was pulled away she would struggle. She did at least come close to de-fleshing a finger on one of the guards that had nearly slid between the bars in her mask. She panicked later, however; when her lower stomach started to knot up and growl. At first she clenched as hard as she could. She would not soil herself like some filthy beggar, nor would she ask any of these guards for help. She did not need anyone she could not trust. She could not trust anyone she could not control, and she could not control anyone who did not fear her. These guards had no reason to fear her, so they could not be trusted to help her.

She had held out for a good portion of the first day she had had something to eat, but come nightfall, her stomach was in agony. She had faced a dilemma she had not faced in years. Her choices were not between success or failure, right or wrong, but they were between humiliation and degradation. Which choice was right? Should she keep her pride by refusing to ask for help, only to lose more of it every time she smelled herself? Should she swallow her pride and ask for help?

Was this the last decision she could keep for herself? She could not choose what course her Nation would follow any longer. She could not choose where or when she slept or what she ate. She could not choose her friends or family, for she had none any longer. She could not control when she faced death. She could not even control her Fire; somehow, the last one seemed worse than death. Was the last choice left to, the great and prodigal child, Fire Lord in the making, Azula to be able to choose when to relieve herself? She bit her lip so hard under her mask that she bled. What was she supposed to do? When the horror dawned on her that her body was going to take that decision away from her too when she felt the last cramp tear its way through her, she slumped against the chains in defeat and called out.

"Guards!" She cried out. "Guards come here!" She forced herself to lift her head as the tiny window in her door opened so the guards could look in.

"What do you want?" One of her attendant guards called from behind the door.

She mustered as much command into her voice as possible and nodded her head to the chamber pot on the ground. "I need to..." Her composure faltered. She had never before had to ask the use the bathroom, since she left the early years at the Fire Academy. She felt the humiliation blossom in her cheeks as a warmth flowed into her skin. How was she supposed to ask for this?

The guard just stood there, waiting. **_Jerk!_** Her mind screamed. He was mocking her; just like the day the guards called her 'princess' when she first woke up. The guards loved to humiliate her. She saw through their worthless fake pity when they looked at her. Saw the fear they faked when they treated as if they feared to be near her. As if they did not know she could not Fire bend any more? She was mocked by prison guards. Just like her loser of an uncle had been when he was brought in here after, **_she _**conquered Ba Sing Sei.

"Where are my Dai Li agents?" She whispered softly enough the guards could not hear her. Where were they? They were supposed to protect her from threats like this. Azula's mind was foggy from lack of sleep and the pain coming from her cramping stomach. The last lynchpin that forced her out of her reverie was the voice of the guard.

"What do you want?" He repeated again annoyed and out of patience. This guard, none of them cared for her. All they cared for was to humiliate her and drag her down lower than they were.

"I have to use the damned pot you simpleton!" She screamed; her self control shattering yet again. "Alright, are you happy to have me come out and say it? Lower me down so I can use it!" She screamed at the guard, her eyes wide and wild, she could feel the throbbing of her arteries as her stress levels went up and her cramping became worse.

To her surprise the chains lowered. She thought for sure the guards would just let her roll around in her filth. They probably only did it so they would not have to deal with the smell. If she ever reclaimed her throne she thought, as she made her way to the pot with what little slack they gave her, she would ensure that these two guards would be soiling themselves in the deepest dungeon.

She drew comfort from the thought until she realized that the guard wasn't closing the window as she was about to undo her tunic. She stared horrified at the open window.

"Well do you have to go or not?" The guard asked impatiently.

Did they expect her to try to escape now that she had some slack? _Impossible._ She told herself. She bit her lip into the same oozing teeth marks from before. Were they this depraved and perverse that they would watch her… watch her, do that? She swallowed a lump in her throat; what else would they do with her if they had the chance? "Turn around you lizard-swine!" She yelled back. She saw him roll his eyes and step away from the window. Azula sighed relieved and undid the bottom of her tunic and sat upon the chamber pot.

She froze in horror as she looked up and saw a different set of eyes staring from the window. The eyes were more delicate, a woman's, but it was still someone else. Never before in her life had she felt this vulnerable, this worthless. Tears of shame ran down her crimson face while she finished. "Alright vermin I'm finished!" She stood up, careful to pull her tunic up to keep herself unexposed, and she fully intended to kick the pot the second the door opened when they came in to fetch it. She never had the chance. The chains rattled and tightened and once again she found herself crucified against the rock. This is what she was reduced to. Her mother was right. She was nothing more now than a worthless monster on display. The realization sucked any rage she felt and she just broke down and cried miserably and even if it meant she could not see Zuko make the journey first; she prayed she could will herself to death.

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	7. Page 6 Azula Alone

**Disclaimer: (IdnoAtLA) Page 6 is up thanks again for all your feed back. Still don't own Avatar.. but one day.. one day soon… mwhahahaha!**

**Please Read and Review All Constructive critique Welcome. Enjoy**

**Book 4: Spirit**

**Chapter 1: Azula's Lost Days**

**Page 6 – Azula Alone**

Prison routine settled into a boring rhythm the next day. Azula was humiliated when the guards came in after another restless night of nightmares to feed and drug the monster. Azula was humiliated as she called the guards an hour later so the monster could use the chamber pot. Azula was humiliated when her rage overtook her when the monster could not focus enough on anything to distract itself from the horrors of its life and it began screaming.

Azula realized as this latest tantrum subsided and she started to cry softly, that her life would be an endless cycle of humiliation until the day she died. Eventually her crying had ended as her body lacked the strength to generate any more tears or to continue sobbing, so she hung there limply. Her mind too busy thinking to allow her to sleep. She had heard the guards talking, and her eyes narrowed as she tried to focus on what they were saying. She could care less what worthless parts of their lives they were discussing, but at least it was something other than her own mind.

_My, my, you are pathetic._ She could hear her shattered self image chastise herself. _Gasping at any straws you can._ She focused harder on the door, willing it to open so she could hear better, anything to drown out her own thoughts. She was lucky they forgot to close the window to her cell so their voices did drift back to her.

"Did you hear how it happened?" One of them asked, the woman. "How the Avatar did that to Fire Lord Ozai?"

Azula's eyes widened. Father?! After three miserable days, or weeks or what ever, she could finally find out what happened to Dad!

"I don't know…" The other one, the male guard responded. "All I know is that that twelve year old boy took Fire Lord Ozai's bending from him."

Azula stopped listening at that point. The Avatar stole Father's bending? She began to panic again. Her breath began hyperventilating. She thought it had been drugs, some strange concoction by Uncle or the Fire Sages. She had thought it was something she could eventually build up a tolerance too, but no. It was something the Avatar did. She felt a cringing horror crawl up inside her skin. What had that freak done to Father? What had he done to her? Azula was so distraught she did not even feel any joy in learning that her father was alive. Her bending was gone forever. The Avatar must have done the same thing to her when she was unconscious after that damned Agni Kai!

Never before had Azula truly felt violated. Tears stung her eyes anew and she began to cry mournfully as she hyperventilated as the knowledge of her spiritual rape hit her. She would never bend again. She would never feel the little life of a flame as she grew and nurtured it. Feel it fill with her purpose as she commanded it. For the rest of her miserable life in this cell any flame that touched her would mean pain, agony and injury.

_Mother was right, Mother was always right. I'm just a monster. I'm just a monster. Monsters don't feel anything. I'm just a Monster; I don't feel anything._ Azula chanted in her mind through her hyperventilation, trying to block out the pain of her emotions. Eventually the lack of air to her brain caught up with her as she convulsed, rolled her eyes, and passed out.

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Azula was falling through something thick, viscous and ice cold. It wasn't water; it was much too thick, but she was sinking. She wasn't drowning; however, she could breath fine, but she could not swim up no matter how hard she tried. She just kept sinking. Odd lights bobbed in the distance barely in sight. She wasn't freezing to death, thank the dragon, Agni her own inner Fire kept her warmed. She forced her body ramrod straight and summoned her Fire and bended. Blue flames launched brightly and hot, illuminating the darkness as she started to rise in the syrupy-thick ice cold fluid.

She felt warm and happy and elation at being able to rise up. She glanced down and saw in the distance beneath her something black and oily looking. Some other ocean underneath the ocean she was rising out of. She noticed the lights started to get closer to her as she was nearing the surface. At first as one came close enough to see it looked like a little dragon and Azula smiled and held out her arm to it. As it came closer and fully into the light she stared at it oddly.

It wasn't a dragon. It was slinky and snake-like looking as dragons were. It had four claws and two wings like dragons had, but it wasn't a dragon. Its body was translucent; she could see its skeleton and slight changes in its surface tension inside its body where its organs were. Its 'wings' were just vicious looking fins that ended in sharp barbs, like the ones that lined its back. Its claws weren't the regal looking talons drawn on the dragons in her books, but were thin sickle like claws, that looked like fish hooks. Long and thin. Its face was horrid, long needle thin and sharp teeth adorned a lipless mouth, in a curved featureless face as two slit like nostrils grazed its face. The worst were its eyes; they were large and completely white, with no iris or pupil. They stared at her vacantly and hungrily. Azula withdrew in disgust and channeled more chi to blast more flames to get away from the horrid little creature.

Azula saw the beast gaining, and to her fright saw more of the creatures coming into view. Their bodies glowed softly in a pale lifeless way as they shimmed in the weird ocean. When the first one reached her it passed through her back and through her chest as if she wasn't there. She felt a sudden cold shock, and horrible pain like a muscle cramp as her breath stopped in her chest for a moment. She watched in horror as it exited out her chest; its glow was slightly bluer than before. She panicked and channeled more chi into her flames, but she could not go as fast as she was before; she was _slower_. Another creature closed the distance, and then another. Each one passed through her chest or back and out the other way. Each time she felt the cold cramping feeling, felt herself get slower and become a little colder.

She glanced down and saw a horde of them coming at her. She also saw that her flames were much less blue than normal, with edges of yellow and orange in them. As more and more of the horrid things past through her hungrily, they came out glowing a different color. At first they glowed blue after exiting her. As she slowed down and her flames started turning more and more orange, they started glowing a faint orange color. To her complete horror her flames failed entirely, not two feet from the surface of this ocean. She desperately struggled to reach her hand out of this nightmare ocean, but she could not make it as she started sinking more and more. Even without her Fire they kept attacking her. They each stole more and more of her warmth as she batted at them impotently. They simply phased through her hand and went into her chest, cramped her whole body and left her feeling colder.

Eventually she felt her arms and legs move slower as they robbed more of her warmth. Their stolen energy glowed fainter and fainter as they took more of it from her. Eventually she froze in place unable to move as the swarm disappeared into the darkness. Satisfied that they took all they could from her, they waited barely able to be seen for their next victim as Princess Azula tumbled down into the darkness, freezing cold and unable to move. She saw with horror as the oily black 'sub ocean' came back into her vision, and she tried desperately to scream, but her lips and jaw were frozen in place.

Eventually she hit the 'surface' of the slick sub ocean and felt its awful, greasy muck touch her skin in a deplorable way that made her feel violated. She sank slowly into it. She hit it feet first as she experienced the horror of feeling it creep up along her body, engulfing her. When her eyes, nose and mouth touched the surface she felt it flow into her nose and mouth as she sank in utter complete darkness. And this time she could not breathe.

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Azula's eyes opened with a start trying to gasp in a lungful of breath, but unable to. She nearly panicked until she saw her feet suspended from the prison floor. Thank Agni, it was just a dream. She was drenched in sweat breathing heavily. She released her breath slowly and realized she was unable to draw a breath, because her panic induced gasp, had sucked the mask right over her mouth. She released her breath slowly and took slow deep breathes. She never thought she would be grateful to see her cell before now. It was just then she had heard talking.

"…and when we had trashed that guy's house, Chan wasn't it, on Ember Island? I thought it was the most fun we had in a very long…" Azula stopped listening in mid conversation for the second time that day, or was it the first? How long had she been asleep? It didn't matter as she stared at the acrobat. Her brows raised slightly. She wasn't dressed right. She was wearing that awful green uniform again and the red and white face paint. Her eyes narrowed again as the full realization hit her of who was standing before her.

"Ty Lee." Azula said in a cold impatient tone. "What are you doing here?"

This brought the overly cheerful acrobat out of her reminiscing. "Azula you're awake?!" She smiled brightly. "I was wondering when you would wake up."

"I see you have had a change in your sense of fashion." Azula mocked the acrobat. "Has your aura turned green now?" Azula smiled in a satisfied way when Ty Lee's smile melted into a concerned frown.

"Actually the Kyoshi warriors had asked me to join them. Suki is with Sokka, that Water Tribe boy, in the meeting at the palace today. After training, I came by to see you."

"Suki? What is she doing in the palace, let alone that peasant brat?" Azula was confused, had the whole world gone crazy? Wait what had Ty Lee said about the Kyoshi warriors?

"Well Azula… "Ty Lee paused hesitantly. "Zuko asked…"

"What do you mean you joined them?" Azula snapped interrupting her. "How could you join them? We fought them, they are our enemies."

"Well actually I met them in prison when me and Mai were in there and they were really nice to me, and I showed them a few moves and they asked me to join them." Ty Lee said clearly uncomfortable. Azula could not believe it. Her rage found new found energy somewhere in her body.

"You showed them? You showed **_them_** some of **_your_** moves?" Azula was taking in large amounts of air trying desperately to keep herself composed enough to ask what she needed. Oh how she wished she was free to hold down the circus bitch and idly cut the information out of her second by agonizing second. "Who else did you show your moves too? Did you show every one of my enemies? Did you show the Avatar?" Ty Lee's eyes widened. Azula could see the shock on her face. That _was_ it. Azula's eyes suddenly went as wide as the acrobat's. "You treacherous bitch! No wonder he knew what to do!"

"Azula, I don't know what you are talking about." Ty Lee's eyes suddenly quivered and looked wet.

"Don't lie to me Ty Lee!" Azula's composure snapped as she tried to pull herself forward and lunge at the acrobat. _These damned chains!_ "That's what happened. That freak took his damned Avatar magik and took what you showed him." She was breathing fast again; she was just barely able to keep from hyperventilating again. "You helped him…" Azula screamed as she glared at Ty Lee's face. "You…" Her screams started to stutter and she started to sob as she accused her, tears threatening to come down her face. "You helped him cut a piece of my soul out! How could you Ty Lee? How?"

"Azula, I swear I didn't show anything to Aang. I didn't even see him till after Zuko was crowned. I promise." Azula could hear the frantic pace the acrobat spoke, could hear her try to lie. Ty Lee was never good at lying.

"Oh Aang is it? You didn't see your friend **_Aang_** until after Fire Lord Zuzu stole my crown?!" Azula was seething. She could not believe Ty Lee would betray her so completely.

"Azula, you're talking crazy. I wouldn't do anything to hurt you. I couldn't." Azula could see that Ty Lee's eyes were wet after she blinked her own a few times to clear them of tears. Good let the little bitch feel guilty at betraying her.

"Oh? Then I suppose that wasn't you who took my bending away from me at the Boiling Rock?" Let the girl weasel out of that one.

"Azula, I didn't know what else to do!" Ty Lee screamed at her in desperation. "I'm sorry okay! I didn't want to see you or Mai get hurt."

"So you attacked me? Why not attack her?"

"You were closer…?" Ty Lee was hiding something as Azula saw her grab her arm in discomfort.

Azula became even angrier. "Are you trying to convince yourself?" She started thrashing more. Started crying and yelling more. "You turned on me. Me! You were supposed to be my friend. Supposed to defend me! Supposed to be loyal to me! You picked Zuko over me! Just like everyone else does!"

"Azula, I didn't pick your brother over…" Ty Lee started.

"I said 'Zuko!' I didn't say brother! I have no brother! I have no mother and I have **_no _**friends!" Azula slumped crying. "And yes you did! Mai picked Zuko and you picked Mai! So just go away! You won. You and Mai and Zuko won." Azula's sobbed, as her shoulders racked painfully, in her restraints. As she mustered enough sarcasm as she could. "I hope the three of you are very happy together."

Azula could not see Ty Lee, the weak light and her blurry eyes made it near impossible. She blinked clearing her eyes again. She could see Ty Lee approach her; she saw the acrobat get close enough to almost touch her. Azula's panic rose in concert as she remembered her dream and what Ty Lee had shown the Avatar. She screamed in fright. "No Get away from me! Keep your damned hands away!" The fear was primal as she shrieked. Where were those damned guards? She didn't want Ty Lee to touch her again. She didn't want her stealing something else from her. "You bitch! Stay away from me! Guards! Guards help me!" Azula had no other choice. She didn't feel any shame or as if she swallowed her pride. All she wanted was help.

Ty Lee stared in shock and jumped back crying freely. "But Azula… I just wanted to see you. You're, You're my friend."

"Liar! I don't have any friends. My friends**_ died_** on the Boiling Rock when they betrayed me! Don't come near me don't touch me, just go away! You don't care about me! No one does. Go back to your new green friends and leave me alone!" She sobbed miserably. Why, why did she feel this way? Ty Lee was as worthless as everyone else. She was a tool, just a convenient tool. Why was she in so much anguish? Did betrayal always hurt this much when it came out? She vowed she would never trust another person ever again.

"It's not a lie Azula." Ty Lee said quietly. "I do care about you. I have for a long time." Azula glared at her as Ty Lee raised her head with a small smile. Azula knew she was smirking at her. She was mocking her, lying to her to get her to slip her guard. "I lo…"

"Just shut up." Azula hissed unable to take any more lies. "Just shut up and leave. I**_ hate_** you." Azula couldn't even smile at the horrified look on Ty Lee's face. "I hate you and never want to see you again." Azula arched her back and spat as hard as she could. Unfortunately most of it hit the bars on her mask and dribbled down her own chin. She was so angry she couldn't even feel the indignity.

Azula stared daggers at her as the circus freak turned and walked to the door. If she still had her Fire bending, she could have burnt the bitch to the ground with her eyes alone.

Ty Lee turned around and looked at Azula. _Is that regret in her eyes? Too little, too late, too damned bad! _ Azula thought bitterly as Ty Lee looked away from her again. "I'll do what you asked me to do Azula, but I promise I'll help you any other way I can. I hope you… I hope you…" Azula saw her bite her lip and run out of the door crying.

Azula watched her leave. When the acrobat's, _Kyoshi Warrior's rather_ she corrected herself, footsteps died. Azula was left with a profound sense of loss. She had cried out and expelled all her rage when Ty lee was here. Now all that was left was an empty feeling. Why had she bothered to come? Azula thought.

"Didn't she do enough?" She whispered to no one. She heard the guards secure her cell again. _About damned time they did their job. _Azula wished they had thrown Ty Lee out right on her scrawny rear end. She betrayed Azula. Just like everyone else, but more so. She betrayed her to the Avatar. _Oh I'm sorry to Aang_ she corrected bitterly. Azula sighed heavily. Ty Lee claimed to care about her, but then betrays her enough to be on a first name basis with the enemy that stole part of her soul.

Azula could not understand this… melancholy that had taken her when Ty Lee left. It was an empty void, just indifference. Maybe this was how Mai felt all the time, She mused, her eyes narrowed as a small spike of anger surfaced. Mai, the other traitor. Why did they matter to her? Clearly she didn't matter to them. Even if they had really been friends why should they continue to matter now that they betrayed her. Azula knew she was fooling herself as her head lowered. Azula had cared about them. She felt like they were her friends, yet she was not good enough for them, again. Her, Princess Azula, prodigal child of Fire Lord Ozai, next in line for the throne was not good enough to be friends with a depressed melancholy girl, and a circus act.

Reality hit her hard as she slumped even more. The days spent chained up forcing her back and shoulders to knot up horribly as she squirmed. She sighed when she saw the door open, half expecting Ty Lee, she almost cried in anguish when she saw it was dinner time. Or maybe breakfast she could not tell any more.

_Oh goody_ Azula thought. _It was time to feed the monster._

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Azula stirred in a semi conscious sort of way. She vaguely remembered a nightmare about showing off for Grandfather Azulon when she was younger, and something about the circus and drowning in an ocean of black with fake dragons. She felt her back encased in a cool soft feeling, and seeing a faint blue glow. She felt a bubble of panic rise up to the surface as vague memories of dragon-like leeches came to her barely sentient mind.

Azula felt the coolness spread across her as she felt the stiff muscles melting into softness. Feeling little pinpricks of relief, like acupuncture, resound up her spine as she melted back into half awareness. She felt a sharp crunch in her neck and she grunted in pain and relief. Azula had gotten used to being woken up by pain the past few days and began to stir. "Huh…?" Her sleep hazed mind, hampered at how relaxed and good her back felt made it hard for her to stay awake.

"Shhhh…." She heard someone say in a very soft, eerily familiar voice. She felt a warm hand slide under her tunic and rub her back up and down just the way she remembered when she was a child. Her eyes fought to open, but her body kept refusing to listen as her eyes stayed half lidded. She smacked her lips a few times and realized how dry her mouth and throat felt.

"Thi… Thirsty…" She managed to mumble out. Suddenly she felt nice and cool water offered. She drank greedily, barely breathing between heavy sips, until the heavy copper taste was out of her mouth, and she didn't feel like she dried her mouth out on too many fire flakes. She vaguely heard the water slosh, as she slumped back down, she felt herself floating a little, heard odd clinking metal noises. She remembered she was supposed to say something. It had been a long time since she had said "Thank you… mother." But then it had been a long time since her mother showed this kind of affection to her.

Something flitted in Azula's mind. Something was not right. She struggled to wake up, a kind of panic in her heart. There was a reason why that was a long time ago. Mother… Mother? Wasn't she gone? "Mother…?" Azula said softly as she almost stirred. "Are you there? It's me Azula." Her eyes opened trying to find the source of the kindness. Azula's hopeful eyes fell. It had just been a dream. She sniffed once and noticed her mouth wasn't dry. In fact her throat and mouth still felt cool. She noticed her back wasn't in knots any more.

Had her mother actually come to visit her? If that were so, why had she not stayed? She was so confused. Why did it matter? Mother left her so many years ago. Why was this damned ache flaring up every time she thought of her? _ Mother doesn't care about me. I'm just a monster. Maybe she just pities me and didn't actually want to see me. _She thought in anguish. Her still sleep addled mind unable to conjure the anger she normally would use to shield herself from these feelings, Azula started to cry softly until sleep over took her again.

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Azula stirred hesitantly. She had, had the strangest dream after her latest cry to sleep. A lullaby she had heard as a child. It was distorted though, a twisted emotionless version of the Fire Nation anthem. It was soft yet intimidating full of chimes. She arched her back slightly still relieved at how much better she felt, at least physically. Her back and shoulders weren't as sore and her throat felt better. The memory left a bitter sweet taste upon her spirit though. She sighed and watched the door open. _Oh goody feeding time again for the…_ Azula's thought stalled mid formation as someone other than one of her guards came in. The figure looked like a red clad beacon of purity in this infested pit she was left to die in. The rich red robe, the firm shoulder mantle, topped with the golden icon in his top knot that gleamed in what little torchlight there was. She was left paralyzed with her emotions.

"Good morning Azula." Her brother said in a neutral voice.


	8. Page 7 The Drowning Flame

**Disclaimer: (IdnoAtLA) Page 4 is up thanks again for all your feed back**

**Please Read and Review All Constructive critique Welcome. Enjoy**

**Book 4: Spirit**

**Chapter 1: Azula's Lost Days**

**Page 7 – The Drowned Flame**

Azula stared in absolute shock as she gaped at Zuko. _What's he doing here!?_ Azula thought angrily. She felt her shock slip away and her eyes narrowed. Her lips curled into a snarl behind her mask. This was the person that had stolen her throne. This was the person that had stolen her friends. This was the person that had stolen her father, her mother, her entire life and her _soul_ from her.

"What do **_you_** want?" She hissed out with as much venom in her voice that she could muster as she tensed completely solid. The chains that encircled her clinked as they shook from her trembling muscles.

Zuko took in her prison cell. Probably, he was smirking inwardly at how squalid her conditions were. Azula felt her rage surge. She could feel her back knot up again as she kept her muscles tightened like a coiled spring. "I have come to tell you, your sentence." He answered in a fake calmness.

"Oh? My sentence? What right do you have to judge **_me_**!?" Azula snapped. "You are nothing but a thief and a cheater and a traitor!" Azula took in deep breathes.

"I thought it better that I came to tell you myself, rather than send a messenger. You have done allot of terrible things and need to answer for them." He said softly. Zuko looked to her in a strange way that Azula did not recognize, but it was a soft look. It was very similar to the way she remembered he used to look at their mother. Azula realized what it was and she smirked behind her mask. He was thinking of their dear mother. Zuko was finally going to get his revenge on her because he blamed Azula that their mother abandoned him. She found it pathetic.

"Oh how gracious of you **_Fire Lord Zuzu. _**Come to gloat over your victory?" She put as much sarcasm in her voice as she could. She almost smiled when she saw the corners of his lips twitch, almost into a frown. She knew how much he hated that nickname. Her smirk left her face and her temper rose. "Come to gloat how you stole my throne and**_ my life!_**?" She yelled at him.

"No one stole anything from you Azula." Zuko said in that forced calm he always used when he tried to seem more grown up than he was, his eyes twitched again.

"Can't even believe your own lies dear brother?" Azula hissed. "What do you call this?" She asked as she shook her chains as best she could. "You stole my throne!" She shook with rage as she bit her lip before trembling again. She felt her shoulders sag against her will with defeat. "You stole everything from me. I have nothing left you can take." She slumped fully; her eyes downcast as she shook her head. "You couldn't even give me the honor of a quick death in the Agni Kai your water bitch stole for you."

She looked up almost hopeful. She did her best to melt her face into snide disrespect. It was not difficult considering who she was talking to. "Unless dear brother you came to rectify that? Am I to be executed? Are you going to finally slay the evil monster and be the hero you always wanted to be?" She looked at him as defiantly as possible hoping. _Please let him say…_

"No." He said softly. "But it was discussed. The Earth Kingdom in particular nearly demanded you be executed for your conquest of Ba Sing Sei and when they somehow learned you were the one who said to burn the country to the ground." Azula felt her hope perish. "It was also discussed that you be imprisoned for the rest of your life in here."

Azula smirked as she bit back the fear she felt in her heart. She truly was going to be in this awful place the rest of her life. She would not cry. She would not give Zuko the satisfaction. She would let him see how true nobility reacted in the face of adversity. "Already too much of a coward to finish what you started Zuko?" She could not help the anger that flooded into her. "Just going to leave me here to rot as your personal trophy?"

He held up a hand to silence her as she just glared. Azula could see how worn his eyes were. Azula assumed it was because he already was failing to live up to the expectations of being Fire Lord. "I have decided that in the interest of justice for all concerned…" Azula smirked almost snorting with scorn. As if Zuko knew anything about justice. Justice would be allowing her to be the Fire Lord that the Fire Nation deserved. "…that you be imprisoned for an unspecified amount of time until such time that your debt to the Fire Nation is repaid." He lowered his hand and looked to her.

Azula could not believe this. He had the gall to say she let her nation _down_? That she owed the Fire Nation anything? She felt her limbs tighten up again. "I never let my home down once Zuko. I have spent my entire life being loyal to the Fire Nation."

"No Azula. You have spent your life being loyal to a cruel and heartless man." Zuko said calmly.

"Father and the Fire Nation are the same thing!" Azula shouted. "That's what this is about isn't it? Because Father loved and valued **_me and not you!_** You never had what it took to be Fire Lord and Father saw that!" Azula felt her heart beating rapidly against her chest, felt it slamming against her breast bone as she panted heavily. "What's the matter Zuzu? Couldn't take just stealing Mother from me, that you had to steal Father away from me and leave me here? Father is the rightful ruler and he appointed me Fire Lord not you!" She spat at him. The spittle dribbled down her face down the same dried path from when she spat at Ty Lee.

"You will not be left here." Zuko spoke raising his voice loud enough to cut through Azula's dressing down. Azula's indignation that Zuko dared to interrupt her died as she looked at him with uncertainty. "The Mechanist is currently working on a cell specifically to hold you right now. With some of the Earth benders helping him it should be ready in the next day or two." Azula felt her indignation flare up again. She was to spend the rest of her life in some Earth bender scum's work? She narrowed her eyes more as he went on. "You should know your bending was difficult to deal with. The Avatar was nearly required to take away your bending to keep you safe to work with, and if the Mechanist's cell doesn't work…"

Azula's rage broke down completely as she ignored the rest of his words. He had the nerve to come in here and mock her? He had the nerve to throw her stolen bending in her face and say it was required. Did he really think she would not have noticed the Avatar already ripped her Fire from her? She shook and her muscles tensed. Her eyes closed, and, desperately, she tried to keep the tears from flowing as she screamed at Zuko at the top of her lungs. "You filthy lizard-swine, how dare you?! I'm the Fire Lord not you! Daddy trusted me to do this. Not you! You had no right to take it away from me!" She writhed more in her chains. She cried again. Why was she crying in front of Zuko? Tears freely flowed once more down her face. She hurt so bad feeling the aching hole in her soul where her bending had been. "How dare you mock me! How dare you steal **_everything_** that ever meant anything to me! I hate you! I wish you were dead!" She screamed and ranted as she tried to lunge for him again. She shrieked as she felt her shoulder start to slip out of its socket and slide back in as she slid back against the wall.

Her vision was so blurry, and her wails so loud she could barely hear Zuko blathering on more. "You… you will be moved immediately upon the completion of your new cell."

Azula had no concept of how long she cried and wailed. Eventually she went numb and looked up. Zuko had already gone. She had no idea what time it was. Without her connection to the Sun she thought bitterly, she could not even feel what time it was. She sniffled again. She felt nothing but shame. How could she have let Zuko get that kind of satisfaction from her? She had broken down completely. That's all he wanted from her. Zuko blamed her for everything. Azula knew he blamed her for Father loving her more, but how was that her fault? She was better than him at everything. Zuko blamed her for Mother leaving, but that was his fault for being so weak that Father would have killed him. How was that her fault? Mother did not even love Azula. She left without even saying good bye to her.

She was going to spend the rest of her life in some cell that Zuko was designing just for her. She shuddered as she started to cry softly. She knew what she would build for Zuko. Is that what her fate was going to be? What if Zuko was not as soft hearted as she once thought? She slumped frightened as she cried more. All she wished right now was the half remembered feeling of a hand rubbing on her back telling her it was going to be okay.

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The prison routine passed with agonizing slowness the next two days. Four visits from the feeders and four trips to the chamber pots. She was so frightened into numbness that she simply let the guards feed her without issue. Everything in her life had just gone wrong. How could where she was going be worse than here? She thought about that every moment, and it chilled her to the bone.

Azula sighed piteously. What had she done to deserve having all this happen to her? All anyone ever wanted to do was to hurt or abandon her. No one cared for her. Even Father saw what she was in the end. She was a _failure_. Zuko had been better than her. It was a bitter pill to swallow. The door opened on the morning of the third day since Zuko had issued his proclamation. It was one of her guards. She smirked a bit in a humorless fashion. _Her guards_, how many times had she thought that exact phrase? Before it would have meant her servants now, it simply meant her jailors.

"It's time to go." He said simply as four more guards came in. She felt the chains loosen and she fell to the ground. They surrounded her; their arms extended in their stance. She tightened up. They were mocking her. She was being mocked by prison guards. Treating her as if they thought she could do anything. She was helpless, and they rubbed her face in it. The guard that addressed her came forward, his armor concealing his face as he shackled her wrists and ankles together before undoing the cuffs already on her. They left her mask on and two of the guards pulled her roughly to her feet. She did not even have the will to resist or to move her feet as they dragged her.

They dragged her to the exit from the prison. She idly wondered if this is what Ty Lee and Mai had experienced when she ordered _her_ guards to lock them away. _It doesn't matter. They deserved it. They betrayed me._ She thought. She pulled her head up. This was not the way a princess acted in defeat. She would not be dragged like some broken commoner. While they waited for other guards to open the heavy door she pushed her legs and stood up. She felt her legs go wobbly as she had not stood for any length of time recently. She bit her lip unseen under her mask waiting for the throngs of people that would surely be there to watch the Great and Esteemed Princess Azula be carted off like a mongrel.

To say she was surprised would have been an understatement. Her eyes widened. Before her, just outside of the prison, was a palanquin. "A courtesy from the Fire Lord." A guard simply said. She narrowed her eyes. Zuko was mocking her again. Shoving everything she lost in her face. She shook her arms trying to summon fire to burn the wretched thing down and stiffened fighting back tears when, once again, flames refused to ignite in her hands.

_ I don't need Zuko's spite._ She seethed inwardly. She noticed something just then. The palanquin blocked her view, but she could hear people on the other side of the chair. She was trapped. If she walked, everyone in the capital city would see her march to her fate. She clenched her teeth; she was faced with the same dilemma every day since she was imprisoned. Which choice: humiliation or degradation? She swallowed her pride and marched to the palanquin and sat down on it. The guards came forward and secured her to the device, and they lifted her, and began to march her away as they drew the curtains closed. Traditionally the curtains were drawn to keep royalty from having to look upon the commoners. Azula desperately tried to hang on to the allusion even though she knew it was to keep them from having to look upon their failure of a princess.

Her head slumped as the sedan chair was carried. She could hear people booing and jeering. She felt tears slide down her face as particularly distinct voices carried their insults her way. "I'm sorry. I failed you Father. I'm sorry I failed everyone." She bore the tears soundlessly less anyone outside knew she was weeping.

She had no idea how long they had walked, but suddenly there was a loud noise to her right and she heard men crying out as her palanquin dipped and hit the ground off sides. She felt the impact and with a grunt she half rolled off the cushion and into full view of the street and the jeering mob until the slack in her chains was gone. She heard the cries of shock as she looked up, blinded by the sun. How long had it been since she last saw real daylight? As her vision cleared, she could see an Earth Kingdom soldier glaring down at her with hatred in his eyes and a decent sized boulder suspended above his head.

"For the Earth Kingdom!" He screamed and as he gestured, the boulder started to move towards her. Azula simply remained still and closed her eyes gratefully. She wondered in the back of her mind if she would feel any pain, or if her brain would stop working too quickly for her to feel anything. _Either way it's over_ she thought relieved. The moment lingered. She heard and felt the impact painlessly and waited for her awareness to cease. The moment turned into a second, and then a minute. She opened her eyes and saw to her shock and disappointment that the man was encased to his neck in a cone of rock, and his boulder was a few feet from her. She had merely felt its impact on the ground next to her. She looked to the side and saw that blind girl the Avatar traveled with standing with her arms extended.

Her face lowered. Of course Zuko would make sure his prize made its way to her 'deserved' fate. He was crueler than Azula gave him credit for. He sent his friends to make sure that she made it safe and sound enough to suffer the rest of her life. As the Earth bender girl bent the rock down so the guards could arrest her would be savior, she felt a tremor pass through her and two unbidden tears slipped from her eyes and hit the ground soundlessly. Azula looked up as the guards picked her up to place her back in the palanquin and saw the Earth bender 'looking' at her with a confused look on her face. She heard everyone start to laugh at her and saw, before the guards pulled the curtain closed, the Earth bender girl kneel down and touch the spot Azula had cried upon.

The rest of the journey continued without incident and eventually the sounds of laughter and booing died down. No doubt they neared where the prison was and the guards were ensuring no one knew where it was. Finally the palanquin came to a stop and lowered. The curtain was drawn back and she saw they were at the edge of Cinder Lake. It was a small lake that was at the base of the volcano that formed the backdrop of the capital city. The lake was roughly the same distance from the palace as the prison, but it was along the opposite direction. The lake was also considered part of the royal hunting forest. It was illegal for anyone to trespass as it was considered a private retreat for the royal family. She narrowed her eyes suspiciously as the guards undid the chains that kept her bound to the sedan chair and she stood and looked about as they led her out. What were they doing here? She kept silent, too bewildered to resist or ask the guards anything as they led her to an old light house.

When Azula entered, she saw a strange sight. She had been in the light house as children. Mai, Ty Lee and Azula would sometimes play here when the palace gardens became too crowded back when they were younger. Azula shook her head. She was not going to think of those times anymore. Now, however, the lighthouse was different. A large stair case went down into the earth in the direction of the lake. They led her down until the stair case ended and they reached a door. It was an odd door. It looked like the doors on The Boiling Rock; it very much resembled the insulated doors they used for the coolers. The guard pulled a lever and the door opened revealing an identical door on the other side. As soon they entered the one door slid closed and the other opened. A strange smell entered the room and they led her down some more hallways. She noticed confused there were no torches, but crystal spheres that glowed oddly.

They stopped at an open door that led into a large room with bars separating half the room. Inside the caged part of the room lay a cot, a low table and in one of the corners lay something separated by what appeared to be an oiled paper curtain. What took her attention the most was that her brother, Fire Lord Zuko stood outside of the caged area by the open door. He nodded his head. "Azula." He said simply.

"Zuzu..." She put as much false honey into her words as possible. "…what a pleasure. Did you come to your senses and decide to turn yourself in for treason and reinstate my crown?" She could not help the harshness that crept into her voice as the guards brought her into the cell and her bare feet touched metal. She could also see that what was hidden behind the paper curtain was in fact a toilet. She looked down and saw the floor of her cage was a metal grate and by the sound there was water underneath.

Her eyes widened as memories of her defeat at the Agni Kai crowded in her mind and she tried to push past the guards and out of the cell. They easily held her still as she thrashed about wildly. She thrashed and fought as best she could, despite being shackled, until her strength, like everything else, betrayed her. They undid her ankles and wrists as she panted for breath. She was so malnourished and exhausted she could barely try to resist. Finally they undid the clasp to her mask and pulled it from her face. She nearly winced in disgust as she felt the mask stick to her face. When she was free she collapsed in shock at her state and nearly gagged as she smelled the combined stench of several days of improper hygiene assault her nose from her body. It was impossible to notice in the prison due to so many other bodies, but in this prison built for one, the unmistaken smell of days old stale sweat was wafting off of her and cutting through the strange smell of the air. She looked to her side and noticed a mirror of polished stone on the wall and winced. It was the first time she saw her face since before her coronation. Days of sweat and tears had left her face a ruined mess. Dark circles marred her eyes, and her hair was matted and cut haphazardly.

She stood near to tears and clamored weakly to the door as they closed it on her. She was so weak she could not even make it to the door on time. She glared hatefully at her brother and despite how hard she tried, she was only able to summon a half sobbing growl. "What did I ever do to you to deserve this Zuko?" The two days of numbness wearing off, the metal grate and her memories, her horrid condition and her lack of sleep robbed her rage from her and just left her with a broken anger.

"This isn't about me Azula." He said softly. Was that pity in his eyes?

"To the spirits it's not!" She shouted trying to shake the bars. Now that she was free she tried to summon her Fire bending to melt the bars. Again the best she could manage was a tiny puff of smoke as she started to cry. "I made you a war hero! I lied for you Zuko! This is how you repay me?"

"That also wasn't about me Azula. That was you covering your own backside." Azula glared. Was that all he noticed? True it was somewhat self serving, but it had helped him to. Did that not count for anything? "The Mechanist designed this specifically for you." She stood there trembling in anger and weakness and humiliation. "That smell is a special chemical pumped in here to keep flames from being started. The bars have a special core to draw lightning to them and not anything or anyone outside of your cell and send the shock back in your cell."

She glared. Again he was mocking her lack of bending. She threw herself at him as best she could, but he was standing outside her reach through the bars as she tried to claw at him. She shrieked and screamed in frustration. "Why Zuko? Why go through all this trouble just to rub my face in the piece of my spirit you stole?" She wailed. "I don't deserve to be in here, you do! Traitor!" She grabbed the bars for support. Most of her strength had gone as she had resisted the guards.

Zuko looked to her with pity. "I'm sorry it had to come to this Sister."

Azula just cried as she leaned against the door of her cell. "No you're not!" She wailed in a pathetic reversal of their last conversation on the courtyard of the palace. "No you're not! You were never sorry for anything you stole from me! I hate you Zuko!" She looked up and found the last of her energy and poured it out in her anger. "**_I hate you!_**"

The last image she saw of her brother was him shaking his head, turning around and walking out of the door as she just wailed in her solitude.


	9. Page 8 Nightmares and Terrors

**Disclaimer: (IdnoAtLA) Page 4 is up thanks again for all your feed back**

**Please Read and Review All Constructive critique Welcome. Enjoy**

**Book 4: Spirit**

**Chapter 1: Azula's Lost Days**

**Page 8 – Nightmares and Terrors**

Azula screamed when her brother exited her cell and she was left alone. She poured all her rage and all her anger as she kept making bending motions to the door. Her screams rose even higher as her body lost what little energy she had left, and she collapsed onto the ground crying. "**_I hate you!_**" she screamed at the door. "I hate you! I hate you!" She screamed over and over until she could not speak anymore. She crawled her way to the corner of her cell and tucked her knees under her chin and wrapped her arms around her legs. Her eyes darted around her new cell again. Everything was as she saw it before. The only thing she did not notice originally was a second gate in the corner she huddled in. She saw some sort of room with a drain in the floor and a spigot. It must be a showershe thought longingly and with a hint of trepidation.

She wiped her face with her hand and took stock of her situation. _Something is not right _Azula thought with worry. As she looked around her new cell, she knew Zuko was up to something. The new cell was much too nice; it was much too big. Azula realized Zuko was trying to lull her into a false sense of security. For some reason Zuko wanted Azula to think he actually cared about her.

She ran a hand through her mangled and matted hair and winced at how stiff the normally silk like strands felt. She was tired, she could smell the stench of the past few days on her, she was hungry and she just wanted to sleep. She felt so weak right now. She had gone days with no real sleep, and had barely anything worth eating, but she could not trust the food. She also could not trust her brother enough to sleep. She would just have to cat-nap where she could and eat as little as possible to avoid what ever they were putting into her food. Maybe it _was_ just some sort of drugs that stole her bending.

She pulled her hand free of the stiff and matted clumps that used to be her hair and stood up wearily. She looked to the toilet confused. Azula could not fathom why the commode would have a privacy curtain. Maybe it was so the guards would not have to watch her… do that? Azula shook her head. That could not be right; guards were well trained. Azula was sure they had seen a prisoner squat before. She tested the barred door that separated her from the shower. It was locked. _Damn it!_ She thought. It was something else to tease her with.

She turned abruptly as she heard the door opening. She had a cutting remark on her tongue for her brother, but it died in her throat when she saw someone she did not recognize. She was a woman. Azula guessed she may have been in her early thirties. She was carrying a tray with a bowl and a stack of cloth. She smiled when she saw Azula. "Good morning." Azula cringed at the almost syrupy-like sweetness to her voice. Ty Lee would have approved; Azula thought bitterly.

"Who are you and what do you want?" Azula snapped. She did not want to deal with anyone right now. She looked to her suspiciously as the woman set the clothes and the tray down by a slot on the floor Azula had not noticed before.

"My name is Ming." She said pleasantly. Azula noticed with annoyance that she did not react to her scathing tone. "I'm just here to bring your lunch and a change of clothes. Also, to let you know in ten minutes the door to the shower will open up."

Azula just glared at the woman as she set the tray down. She stared at it. The bowl contained some sort of thin stew, and two lumps of rice were on the tray next to the bowl. Hardly the fare she was used to, but compared to the gruel she had been forced to eat the past few days it smelled like a banquet. She heard her treacherous stomach growl. _Real food!_ She thought. She winced disgusted at herself. This was not something to celebrate or be grateful for. "What is this?" She snidely commented as she picked up the bowl and examined the diced vegetables and meat in the mixture.

Ming shrugged. "Koala-lamb and vegetable stew..." She said in that annoyingly chipper voice that Azula was quickly beginning to hate as she sniffed the sickly red colored soup like stew. Hunger must indeed be the best spice as it did not smell that bad to her. "…I did manage to sneak an extra serving of rice for you." She said in that overly helpful way.

Azula felt herself bristle. How dare this commoner pity her? How dare she think she could do Azula anything even close to a favor? She was the rightful Fire Lord, and this commoner walks right up to her as if she could offer anything of real value to her? She narrowed her eyes more. She wanted Azula to think that. Ming must have been sent by Zuko to catch her off guard. To make her think the food was safe. She gripped the tin bowl so hard her nails dulled along its surface. "You eat it then!" She screamed and threw the bowl right at Ming. The bowl hit the bars and bounced up, but the stew continued through the bars and splattered all over the startled commoner.

Ming yelped and staggered back. Azula only regretted the stew wasn't any hotter as the woman turned and rushed out. Azula sighed and felt her stomach growl in protest of her actions. "Traitorous organ." She said and she gripped her stomach hard until her nails bit into her skin a bit. She was starving, but she could not take the chance the stew, if it indeed could have been called stew, was tainted. It was too easy to hide 'extra ingredients' in the taste.

Azula eyed the rice wearily. They were simply clumps of rice that had been steamed and pressed into shape. It would be very difficult to hide a second taste in the otherwise bland rice. Still, Azula was sure there were some poisons that had no taste. Her stomach's last vicious growl told her she had to eat something. She picked up a clump of rice in each hand and ate them both quickly. Her stomach finally settled down enough that she wasn't feeling sick, or was taking commands from her belly.

She pulled the change of clothes into her cell and unfolded the bundle and winced. They were simple clothes, a rust red shirt and a pair of pants. It was a standard prison shift. The cheap koala-sheep wool was thin and coarse. It would probably chafe her she realized with disdain. The fabric was nothing a princess would ever wear. She sighed and looked down to herself. Her current clothes were a dirty and torn mess. She let the prison shift drop to the floor and rubbed her stomach. After days of eating all that paste-like gruel her stomach was having slight issues with anything close to being solid.

The metal door sliding up caught Azula by surprise and she raised her arms in a bending motion in instinct. She cursed herself and kicked the wall in frustration at her actions and saw that the shower stall had opened. She stared longingly at the water as it started to stream down onto the grate. What if it was a trap? What if the water were poisoned as well? Memories of being trapped in ice surfaced and she shuddered. Zuko may well have the idea to attack her vanity and know she would desperately want to be clean. She looked back down to herself and in a very un-princess like manner raised her arms and sniffed. She winced. She hadn't bathed in days. She winced again as she lowered her arms and felt the stubble rub coarsely under her arms.

She was a mess, and she knew it. She did not know how long she debated just taking the damn shower when she looked up abruptly at the noise of the spigot turning off and bit her scabbed lip. She had missed her chance. She had no idea when the shower would start up again. She slumped down a few minutes later when the door to the shower shut and she laid her back against the wall and wrapped her arms around her legs again.

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The one thing that Azula could say for prison was that it was predictable. As the days stretched she became very accustomed to the routine. In the morning her breakfast was delivered. She only guessed it was breakfast since, typically, it was a piece of fruit and some sort of boiled porridge. Dinner was delivered much later in the day and usually was some sort of not-as-good-as-peasant soup or stew with some rice.

Her shower opened up a few minutes after her morning meal every third day. She made sure to use the shower when it opened up three days after her first day in her new cell. She could barely tolerate her own smell, and the horrible sticky and dirty feeling covering her skin. She almost swooned when she saw soap in the stall. Even though it was crude soup, barely more than ash and fat, she lathered herself and scrubbed the whole time until her skin was raw, before she realized she never inspected the soap to make sure it wasn't poisoned.

She cleaned herself as best she could, without her usual assortment of lotions and oils and winced when she saw she had no shampoo for her hair, and made due by rinsing it out as best she could with just water. She at least was able to get the majority of the oil out of her hair and she brushed the water off as best as she could before slipping her prison clothes on while she was still slightly damp. She was utterly disgusted at herself when she looked into the polished stone and saw her reflection. Her hair was damp and plastered to her face and without her brush was beginning to get clumpy looking and matted; she was dressed in the rags of a traitor. That hurt most of all. She was an absolute failure. She lost everything even her dignity. She grabbed hold of her dirty and torn robes and shoved them under her cot. She would at least have them to remind her that she should be Fire Lord.

She eventually realized she had to eat something. Her stomach's demand for food returned with a vengeance since the first day of solid food. She knew she couldn't trust the food so Azula did what she always did. She found a way to manipulate the guards. She would dump the soup or porridge down the toilet and only eat the rice and raw fruit she had, the items she knew would be difficult to slip poison in. Sometimes she would break down and have some of the stew, when the dizzy spells and the hunger pangs were the worst. She grew to hate it when her meals were delivered for one reason: Ming.

The one thing she noticed that was not consistent was who brought her meals every day. None of the guards had a set schedule. She assumed it was so she could not predict when certain guards would be on duty. She hated Ming the most. The other guards just came in, set her tray down and left. Some would openly scowl. She could at least respect their honesty in their contempt of her. Ming would always have something nice to say. She always had a 'Good morning Azula!', 'It's dinner time!' or the one she hated the most 'I slipped some brown sugar in your porridge!' or some other such nonsense.

She could not stand being placated or lied to. She knew no one cared for her. Her eyes narrowed when she thought of how all those years Mai and Ty Lee pretended to care. Her eyes burned every time, and half the time she could not stop the tears from falling. She would often scream at Ming when ever she 'did something nice for her'. She didn't know why but many of the times she screamed at Ming, she would feel like she was screaming at Ty Lee and she would just pour her rage on the woman as much as possible.

"Traitor! Bitch! Liar!" She would typically scream at the guard. With the little bit of sleep she was able to get at night, she would sometimes swear it _was_ Ty Lee standing before her. Sometimes she would be wearing her new uniform. Often she wore the same garish pink acrobat's ensemble she seemed to prefer. She could even hear Ming speak in Ty Lee's voice and by the time the guard had delivered her food and left, Azula would be kneeling down grabbing the bars for support and crying out in anguish at how pathetic she had become. She was just a monster on display in the zoo.

She was slipping horribly, she realized, in the start of the second week of imprisonment. She was unable to sleep anymore. Nightmares kept her awake almost all night. Sometimes they were memories; father telling her she wasn't coming to burn the Earth Kingdom down, when Mai and Ty Lee had betrayed her on the Boiling Rock, or the Agni Kai that had been her ultimate defeat. Sometimes they were distortions of her life. Times she saw Zuko and Mother walking the garden, but instead it would be her by Mother's side without Zuko or the time she had told Zuko what grand father Azulon wanted their father to do, but it was Zuko saying gleefully "Dad's going to kill you!" Still many times she kept having that horrible dream with the black ocean and the dragon things.

The worst dreams were the dreams that she could not tell if they were real or dreams. Dreams such as that Water Tribe Bitch walking into her cell, and with a motion of both her arms, the water underneath would suddenly spiral up into Azula's cell and freeze spearing her like a pin cushion as her blood froze on the icicles, dreams where her father would storm into her cell with his crown, with Zuko standing behind him with father saying "You were right my son. She is a failure. We should leave her to rot." One dream she swore she woke up and feeling weak and tired, she barely dragged herself to the polished mirror and looked up and saw an ancient and wrinkled old woman greeting her from the reflection.

She had awoken from that one with a start and had tried to do a few push-ups, hoping to clear her head, but she was barely able to do three. On the fourth one her arms pumped her half way up and she collapsed. Dizzy, weak, hungry and exhausted she screamed, pounding her fists impotently on the floor and huddled in the corner and cried herself into another troubled sleep.

She lacked almost any energy near the end of the second week. Often she would huddle against the wall with her knees tucked under her chin. She barely had the energy to mutter her vexation against Ty Lee when she came to deliver her food. No, when _Ming_ delivered her food. By the beginning of her third week she only had the energy to mutter to herself and barely walk wobbly to the shower, toilet, or to get her food.

In the middle of the third week _or was it the fourth or fifth? _Azula was too exhausted to notice how many cycles she went through in her routine. Azula was laying on the cot staring up at the ceiling murmuring a lullaby to herself that her mother used to sing. _To me? No she had to be singing it to Zuko. Mother didn't love me enough to help me sleep. By the spirits she didn't love me at all!_ She heard a commotion outside her cell. She limply turned her head to the door and saw the door open and it took a while for her eyes to adjust as more crystal light came into the cell. It looked like Ty Lee. It couldn't have been, but it was! She could tell by the way the shadowed figure moved as a guard charged, and three short jabs left the guard on the floor. Ty Lee ran into her cell and to the door of her cage. With less distance Azula could see it was Ty Lee and she was dressed back in her pinks and reds.

"Azula?" Ty Lee asked worriedly as she knelt down by the cage gripping the bars looking into the cell.

"I'm here." Azula responded too weak and in shock to be nervous as she tried to pull herself off the bed and managed to not quite fall onto the floor.

"Well hurry up! We have to get out of here!" Ty Lee shoved her arm through the bars to Azula.

Azula couldn't stand, but she did manage to crawl on all fours to the offered hand, not caring about her dignity she just grabbed Ty Lee's warm hand. "I thought I'd never see you again. Why did you come back for me?" Azula couldn't stop the tears or the awed smile as she cried.

"Azula? Did you actually miss me?" Ty Lee had that wide eyed and friendly smile she always wore. Her voice was just as bubbly as Azula remembered it.

"Yes… I have. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I never knew how much your friendship meant to me." Azula felt Ty Lee's grip grow stronger to help support her as she cried openly. Her best friend was back and she was going to help her escape this awful place.

Ty Lee's face saddened a bit. "That's not true. You told me you never wanted to see me again."

Azula's eyes lowered in guilt. "I know, but I learned in here that…"

Ty Lee cut her off. "That's a lie too. You said you never wanted to see me again!" Ty Lee gripped Azula's arm tightly and jerked. Azula suddenly felt her face slam against the bars hard, and she found herself unable to move.

"Ty Lee what are you doing?" Azula struggled vainly to pull away as she looked to Ty Lee's face. The look was one she never saw on the acrobat before. It wasn't a kind smile. It was the smile Azula practiced in the mirror for years, when ever she wanted someone to know just how worthless they were.

"I am going to give you what you want." Ty Lee said cruelly as she held her free hand up and slowly closed her fist. "You'll never see me, ever again." Azula's eyes widened as a small flame ignited a few inches from Ty Lee's fist, and she screamed as it grew and lanced out striking Azula right in her eyes.

Azula screamed in terror and pain as she flew back clutching at her face. She felt the impact on her back as she struggled, her nails digging into her face as she tried desperately to smother the flames. She screamed and thrashed until she realized there wasn't any pain and pulled her hands from her face. Nothing but darkness greeted her. No open door. No fallen guards and no Ty Lee. She had fallen off her cot in her nightmare and in a fit of adrenaline induced despair she grabbed the stuffed mat that served as her mattress and threw it hard in an attempt to destroy something to vent her emotions. Her rage grew as she staggered to the bars and gripped them until her pale knuckles turned whiter and she screamed. "I don't care how many times, you, the traitor or your Water Tribe bitch kill me!" She shook in rage. "I don't care how long it takes!" She shrieked. "I **_will_** get out of here and **_I will kill you!_**'

Azula's fit of emotion caused her strength to give out as she slid down the bars to numbly mumble as she passed out. "Every last one of you. Every last…"


	10. Page 9 Bitter Medicine

**Disclaimer: (IdnoAtLA) Page 4 is up thanks again for all your feed back**

**Please Read and Review All Constructive critique Welcome. Enjoy**

**Book 4: Spirit**

**Chapter 1: Azula's Lost Days**

**Page 9– Bitter Medicine**

"What do you mean better? She's getting worse!" Zuko's voice boomed in his throne room as he glared down at the man standing before him. Katara winced at the anger in his voice, and she was not even on the receiving end of his outburst. The flames behind his throne flared with his anger as Katara watched him try to calm himself with deep and slow breathing. She wondered why she had been asked to attend a meeting between Zuko and Azula's physician.

"Your Excellency… you have to understand the mind is a complex thing. Progress doesn't always look like improvement." Doctor Tao Ling stated in a smooth manner. Katara guessed he was in his mid forties. His black hair, what was left of it, was just starting to grey a little and he wore white robes. The patch on his shoulder that displayed The Fire Nation symbol surrounded by a blue triangle showed him a graduate of the Fire Nation Medical Academy, or so Katara had come to learn in the past three weeks since he arrived. "And it hasn't been a month yet My Fire Lord. Did you honestly expect to see her cured so soon?" He asked in that reasonable sounding tone all doctors seemed to have.

"No." Zuko admitted dejectedly. "But I, at worst, expected her to stay the same. Instead she has gotten worse. You are supposed to be the Fire Nation's premiere expert on matters of the mind. You run the most successful asylum in the entire country." Zuko's voice was rising again; he was getting frustrated. Mai was standing next to him with her hand on his arm in comfort as she displayed her normally blank face. Katara though could recognize the concern in her eyes. Knowing the girl other than as an enemy for the past month had given Katara some insight into her mood. "So please tell me Doctor Ling. Why is nothing working?"

"It's not that it isn't working Excellency. It is always darkest before dawn." The doctor said. "Azula's outbursts are the result of her psyche breaking down. That is why maintaining as strict a routine for her as possible without any deviation is so important." He gestured with his arms wide. "With too much stimuli to distract her, she'll never focus on her own inner self." He brought his hands together. "By keeping her world as small as possible and as distraction free as possible, she'll have no choice but to go inward. That is why these outbursts are such a good sign. It's not improvement per say, but it is the laying of the foundation so improvement can happen. That is why having as little contact as possible and allowing her to get used to the routine is so critical." He smiled the whole time in a self satisfied way.

Katara frowned. Everything the Doctor said made sense hearing it, but hearing the reports from the guards: the outbursts; the sleepless nights; her weakness and weight loss, all seemed to point to her 'adjustment' as going badly. Katara glanced to the other person standing in front of Zuko. It was one of Azula's prison attendants. A woman named Ming. She did not know why Zuko personally asked her to attend to Azula, but what the doctor was saying disagreed with her in a very serious way. Katara could see the scowl on her face as she glared with disdain to the doctor. She wished Aang were here to ask his opinion instead of being at one of the Air Temples training with Guru Pathik. She would even welcome her brother or Toph but Sokka had gone with Toph to take her home so she could reconcile with her parents.

Ming's expression was not lost on Zuko either as the Fire Lord turned to Ming. "Ming, Uncle told me of your kindness to him while he was imprisoned and what it meant to him. There is no Fire Nation citizen I trust more to watch Azula than anyone who has earned My Uncle's respect. Is any of this helping Azula?"

Katara watched as Ming clasped her hands and bowed to Zuko and took a deep breath to prepare her answer. "No Fire Lord Zuko, it is not helping her at all." The doctor's smile quickly took on an insulted look.

"What would a commoner know of someone's mental state? She's the one who has been doing the most to sabotage my subject's recovery" The doctor interrupted Ming's report. Zuko just glared at Doctor Ling and held a hand to silence him.

Ming continued as the doctor bristled. "My Lord, she is utterly paranoid. She doesn't eat, or sleep. She confuses me with someone else at least half the time." Ming shook her head concerned. "She keeps calling me Ty Lee, as I've explained to you."

"As you've explained? You idiotic peasant!" The Doctor snapped. You've done more to hurt her than anyone. I know how you talk to the subject. I see you 'forgetting' to put the medicine in her food like I tell you too." He turned back to Zuko as Katara glared even more. She did not like this man. "My Fire Lord, this woman has done nothing but hurt the subject. She needs to develop a dependence on the system to fully break down and be rebuilt."

"Break down? Dependence on the system?" Zuko asked in shock. "It sounds like your talking about breaking an unruly eel-hound."

"With all due respect Fire Lord, human beings are very much animals. This subject is no different. " Doctor Ling countered. Katara's eyes widened in shock; she could not help but wonder if the doctor saw all his patients as just animals to be broken.

"Subject? She's a human being for the spirit's sake not an experiment!" Ming snapped. Katara had only seen Ming a handful of times, but she was already starting to like the woman. "Fire Lord Zuko, all wounds need to heal. She doesn't trust a single person. She won't eat because she thinks the food is poisoned, so the Doctor's **_medicine_** isn't doing any good anyways even if it would help. How is cutting her off from all contact going to help her heal when she feels no one cares for her or wants to help her, especially when her own Doctor hasn't seen her in person?"

Doctor Ling went to retort, but Zuko raised a hand interrupting him before he started. He turned to Mai who simply squeezed his arm gently and looked between Ming and the doctor. Finally, what Katara had been dreading happened and Zuko gestured for her to come forward. "Katara?"

"Yes Zuko?" She said simply as she stepped closer. She cursed herself. She was still getting used to calling him 'Fire Lord' and she saw the way the guards stiffened, as if they expected her to be banished, or worse.

Luckily Zuko wasn't his father, thank the Moon. He did not seem to mind his friends calling him simply Zuko. He simply asked his question. "You are a healer of great skill. You once told me that you had healed Jet's mind when he was captured by the Dai Li. Can you do the same for my sister?" He kept his hand up so the doctor knew to keep his mouth shut.

Katara frowned as the memories surfaced. Watching Jet struggle with the foreign memories thrust in his mind after the Dai Li raped his brain, and turned him into a pawn. She was grateful she could not see what he was thinking; watching his body struggle and feeling the energy knot up was painful enough for her. Ever since that prison guard brought up that awful play she went to, she had been thinking of that very thing. She took in a breath to answer.

"No Zuko. It wouldn't work." She said regrettably and continued with an explanation before Zuko's inevitable 'why?' could be voiced. "Our minds are something completely different than our bodies. If she had a concussion or some other sort of injury to her brain I might be able to fix that, but the mind and the brain are different."

"But you un-brainwashed Jet." Zuko countered.

Katara forced her eyes not to water as she continued. "Those weren't his memories Zuko. They were forced into his head, and they were fresh. His own mind was fighting them. All I really did was help his mind relax enough so he could see which memories were his and which were false. This is different. We are talking about how Azula's mind actually deals with the world." She swallowed. "It's like your scar. It's still healthy skin. It still serves its purpose. I can't heal scars because the scar is working tissue. Her mind is like that. It may not be working right, but it is still working."

Doctor Ling finally was given a chance to speak when Zuko lowered his hand and turned to him. "The Water bender is right. Azula can only heal on her own." She was beginning to really hate that self authoritative voice he used. He was talking to them like, well, children. "Her mind is scarred and flawed right now. By breaking her down and forcing her to look inward, we can, in effect, cut the 'scarred tissue' away, and give the 'healthy tissue' only one path to heal." Katara bristled at the imagery and had the disturbing impression that this _doctor_ actually would cut through someone's brain claiming it helped them by cutting out 'bad parts'.

Mai actually spoke up. Her voice was distanced, but had a soft edge to it. "Katara, even though you aren't a doctor, nor trained to handle these kinds of… wounds, maybe you could visit Azula?" Katara was shocked. First, she was shocked because Mai had actually said something. Two, she was shocked that Mai would suggest that the one who defeated Azula visit her. "I mean, you have been one of the strongest supporters to get Azula help, and I have seen and Fire Lord Zuko has told me how much compassion you show people." Katara tilted her head to the side and noticed a slight twang in Mai's usually perfect political voice and a small widening of her eyes. _Is she feeling guilty? Does she think she didn't do enough for Azula even though she is supposed to be her friend?_ Katara wondered.

The doctor snorted in disdain for the idea, but a scathing look from Zuko put him in his place as he turned back to Katara his eyes, hopeful. She bit her lip slightly. Azula scared her before when she was hunting them. She still had mixed feelings, even though she felt bad for the girl. "I don't know… Wouldn't someone closer to her be a better choice? Maybe we can send a hawk to Kyoshi Island and ask Ty Lee to return to the palace?"

Zuko looked up to Mai. "Wouldn't that be better Mai? I mean Ty Lee wants to help Azula doesn't she, and what Ming said seems to show that Azula misses her?"

Mai shook her head. "No, no that wouldn't be the best idea. Ty Lee isn't ready to face Azula yet."

"Respectfully, I don't think Azula can face Ty Lee yet either." Ming said with a worried look, probably afraid she spoke out of turn.

"I might not be the best choice either. Azula may not want to see family or her 'friends'." Mai said softly as she looked away a bit, and Katara saw all the other eyes turn back to her again, even the doctor's. His eyes though had a very disdainful smirk.

Katara sighed and fiddled with her wrist uncomfortably. _How do I get myself into these situations!?_ She chastised herself. "Alright, I'll go see Azula." What was she agreeing too?

The doctor sighed loudly and shook his head as if he were watching children throw rocks at a scorpion-hornet's nest. Zuko turned to the doctor his eyes narrowing at once. "What is the problem Doctor Ling?"

"You don't realize it do you?" He said condescendingly. "You're playing right into her hands. She'll never get the help she needs if you try talking to her before she becomes dependent on her environment and learns not to trust herself." He pointed a finger towards Katara and she narrowed her eyes and almost wished it was the full moon so she could bend his own fist repeatedly against his balding forehead. "And you are going to send this girl in to do a job she isn't trained for, especially with how Azula must feel about her?" He turned a scathing glare to Ming. "Unlike what you think, I do care about my patients, and I do listen to them. She'll do nothing but direct all her anger at the Water bender."

Zuko tilted his head in thought. Katara hated to admit it, but she had the same worries herself. Why would Azula open up to the very woman that helped her brother take what she considered 'Her Crown'? She watched Zuko and Mai. Mai must have been in thought, since her face held no expression. Zuko clearly looked conflicted and looked to the doctor. "Doctor Ling, in your **_official_** opinion do you truly feel this is the worst thing for my sister?"

Doctor Ling nodded and brought himself to his tallest and most regal stature he could muster. Which Katara thought was odd looking being that it was hard to pull off with his balding head. "Fire Lord, it is my opinion this will not work, and can say with certainty that I would never do it."

Zuko nodded and the conflict in his face left. "Very well then Doctor." He said simply with the full command of his voice and office. Doctor Ling had a satisfied smirk on his face, as Mai, Ming and Katara stared at Zuko in shock. Was he actually agreeing to continue this treatment? "We will do exactly that then." Zuko stood up as the doctor flustered a moment. "On behalf of the royal family, I thank you, but your services will no longer be required. Please gather your things, and either arrange passage with one of the royal airships, or one of my attendants will arrange for you to stay at an inn in The Capitol for the next few days while you arrange private transport home. You are dismissed."

"But Fire Lord Zuko…" The Doctor stammered.

Zuko cut him off. "Thank you doctor. Guards, please escort the Doctor to his makeshift office and make sure he doesn't forget any personal items."

Katara could not help but smile as the guards 'escorted' the doctor out of the throne room.

Zuko looked to Katara, a worried look on his face. "Katara I don't want to force you to do this." Zuko smiled half heartedly. "You don't need to feel obligated to help Azula."

Katara looked deeply inward. The Azula she knew had no remorse, no conscience and no compassion for anyone but herself. She was someone who would have killed any of them, if they got in her way. She was, by all accounts, a heartless monster. _But then, so was Zuko. _She heard the back of her mind whisper. Katara thought back to her argument with Sokka when she pretended to be the painted lady _I will never abandon anyone who needs me!_ That was what she told Sokka wasn't it? She truly hated what Azula did, but there was no doubt, Azula needed someone to help her.

She nodded. "I will see her Zuko." She managed a worried smile. "I really do want to help."

Zuko smiled and Katara noticed even Mai's lips twitched into a very small smile of gratitude. "Thank you Katara… you really have no idea what this means to me."

Katara's smile grew seeing how relieved Zuko seemed. "Tomorrow then, after she's given dinner? That will give me the time to prepare." Katara did not know how she was going to prepare, but she hoped she could find a way. She knew Zuko was counting on her a great deal to help Azula. Katara could only hope that she was as good a healer as everyone thought she was.

xxxxxxxxx

_Poor Zuko._ Mai thought saddened as she leaned against the rail on the balcony attached to her and Zuko's room. She stared upwards to the moon, and noticed it was near to full again. She examined the black markings across the face of the moon and found it boring fairly quickly. She turned away unable to distract herself from her thoughts. She was worried for her lover. He was becoming overwhelmed by his responsibilities. Zuko did not expect this amount of resistance to change. In all fairness Mai did possess a little bit more political savvy than Zuko, but even she was surprised at the threats of defection. If it was not for Jeong-Jeong returning to the Imperial Army, there would have been more defections than there were already.

She strummed her fingers along the rail and walked back into their room. She was alone; Zuko had said he needed a walk to clear his head. She grew worried as he was growing more and more distant from her. She knew he was still adjusting to being Fire Lord. She also knew how much he appreciated her being there for him. She sighed softly. She also knew one of the biggest pressures on him was Azula.

_Azula_ she thought. Her eyes narrowed minutely as she thought about her former friend. She was, she had to admit, conflicted on the whole issue. Part of her felt very vindicated to see that the person who had thrown her in prison was rotting away. Part of her felt huge amounts of anger at the woman whom would have watched Zuko boil alive. Zuko was one of the few things she allowed herself to feel anything for; the thought of him being gone filled her with an ache. It was an ache that went beyond the crushing isolation and lack of expression she dealt with on a day to day basis. If she had to admit it, it terrified her. She felt no remorse or regret as her head dipped ever so delicately as she nodded to herself; there was no question that she would choose Zuko over Azula any day.

Now there wasn't a choice between one and the other any longer. Zuko was Fire Lord, Mai had him all to herself, at least romantically, and Azula was not in a position to threaten her or Zuko any longer. The two might not be mutually exclusive, and as much as it vexed Mai, the part of her that knew Azula as a friend bristled at the thought of Azula deteriorating more and more in a cell all forgotten. She had felt relief when Zuko had brought Doctor Ling in to help her and was content to leave the matter at that. She had her help; certainly Mai did not need to worry herself over it. Azula would get better with a professional to guide her.

Things did not go according to plan. Mai had consoled Zuko night after night as the guards reported Azula getting worse. Even with the larger cell Azula grew more paranoid. She heard of all the times Azula would refuse to eat, refuse to sleep and lashed out at that Ming woman. Mai did not understand why she had paid Azula a visit late at night once. Maybe it was her inability to feel things strongly. If something bothered or hurt her, she often felt her heart shut down and she went numb. Until Zuko helped crack through the ice of her heart, she often shut down every time she felt a strong emotion. Azula's breakdown was something she could not understand without seeing. The former princess had been asleep, but even then that was cause for alarm. She fidgeted on her cot, face scrunched up and twisted. Mai guessed from some nightmare.

As she viewed through the small sliding window on the door to Azula's cell, the Fire bender sat up with a start and gasped loudly. Mai watched as Azula rubbed her head and shook her head as if to clear it. What shocked Mai the most was her hair. Azula was always meticulous about her hair. For it to be matted and clumped the way it was, spoke more about Azula's mind set than anything. Of course due to the low light it was hard to see anything but her pale face and her dark hair. She left without a word, took the carriage back to the palace and sat down in the very same chair she sat down in now. It was clear Doctor Ling was not helping her at all. Azula needed real help and real care not some horrible Pavlovian conditioning like a disobedient dog, and it concerned Mai despite her anger and feelings of vindication.

Mai's lips twitched a tiny bit at the corner of her mouth. _Was I ever truly her friend? Did she ever really care about me? _Mai contemplated yet again. Could Mai even consider herself a decent friend, let alone Azula? True the Doctor had said no one should visit her until her 'break through', what ever that meant to him, but she had to ask herself _would I have visited her anyways?_ She thought of Ty Lee. She still could not understand what had driven her to attack _Azula _to save _her_, especially in light of certain facts_. _She cared for Ty Lee, despite how annoying the girl could be, and Ty Lee… more than cared for Azula enough for both of them. If Mai doubted her own friendship to Azula could that make Azula, Mai's friend by proxy through Ty Lee even if it was one sided?

"I am so sorry Ty Lee." She heard herself whisper. Thank Agni for Ty Lee. Mai thought to herself. Ty Lee took Azula imprisoning them the hardest, but still she tried to keep Mai's spirits up. When the fight nearly broke out between her and the Kyoshi warriors in prison it was Ty Lee who stood between Mai and them and somehow chatted the women up. Even now Mai could not figure out how she managed to make friends with the awfully dressed warrior women.

Yes, Mai realized, Ty Lee was someone else she cared for deeply. It broke her heart when she saw Ty Lee crying that one evening after the acrobat had visited Azula. It was… awkward to say the least when she, Ty Lee and that Suki girl talked into the late hours of the night. It was one thing to always suspect something, but it was quite another to have it confirmed in its rawest and most painful form. Mai's lips curled into an amused smirk at Suki's utter look of shock and felt the smile fade. Ty Lee was another person that was supposed to be Azula's friend, but Azula had no problem tossing her aside either. If Ty Lee was still willing to care for Azula, which she must considering the amount of letters arriving via hawk from her asking about the former princess, that spoke volumes of Ty Lee's care.

Mai was in the middle of her mental ramblings when she heard a knock at the door. She arched her brow. It was not late, but it was not early. Zuko would just walk in, albeit quietly to refrain from waking her in case she slept. She mulled over the idea of pretending to be asleep to ignore the knock, but she decided to answer the door anyways and stood up, closed the distance as she closed her robe securely and opened the door. She was quite surprised at her visitor. The night robe was cut in Fire Nation style but was done in blues. She looked up and met the wide blue eyes that were as expressive as Mai's were guarded. "Hey." Mai asked evenly.

"Mai, I just wondered if I could talk with you about Azula?" Katara stood there looking at Mai with a pensive expression as she held her wrist nervously.

Mai looked at Katara. She did not know if she wanted to openly discuss Azula right now. Her feelings were threatening to overwhelm her, and she generally preferred to gain control over them in private, but she had asked the Water bender to help Azula. She sighed inwardly, but she was careful to keep her face neutral. "All right, come inside." Mai stepped aside so Katara could enter, and she closed the door behind the Water Tribe girl. Mai stood there, with her hands folded in front of her tucked in her burgundy robe's sleeves as she waited silently for Katara to start.

Mai inwardly grew frustrated at the uncomfortable silence until she realized that Katara was probably waiting for her to prompt her to start. "Yes?" She winced internally. She was never good at starting conversations, but even she knew how impatient that sounded.

Katara winced visibly and seemed more hesitant. "If this is a bad time I can go." Katara turned to leave.

"Katara wait." Mai said softly as Katara paused and turned around. "I'm sorry. I'm not the most talkative person, and Azula is a… difficult subject for me." She slipped back into all her 'proper lady' training her parents had forced her to do. _Step One: Invite them to sit down. _"Katara have a seat." She gestured; Katara looked reluctant and sat down. _Step Two: A proper lady offers refreshment._ "Do you want anything to drink like water, or I can summon a servant to bring tea?"

Katara shook her head as Mai sat down across from her. "What did you want to ask me?" She hoped she sounded even tempered.

"Mai, you're one of Azula's closest friends…" She began unsure. Mai's eyes narrowed ever so slightly. "…if anyone knows how Azula thinks it would be you. I'll be honest I feel kind of overwhelmed, and I don't know where to start when I see her tomorrow night."

Mai looked away and tilted her head in thought. Then she shook her head. "I don't think I can help you Katara. I knew her when we were younger. I traveled with her for months to track Zuko and your group, but I don't think I ever really knew Azula." She turned her head back to Katara.

"But you were her friend Mai. Isn't there anything you can tell me?" The Water bender asked.

Mai sighed and stood up and walked to the window with her arms clasped in front of her as she stared at the moon trying to think of how to explain it best. "The Azula I knew was bent on being perfect and getting her way. She was a spoiled little girl that always found a way to mock anyone else for any reason. She was a girl who pushed her one best**_ friend_** in the mud for out cart wheeling her and her other best **_friend_** in a fountain just to humiliate her in front of the boy she liked. This was the Azula I grew up with."

Mai turned and looked to Katara feeling her anger resurface as she remembered the day she ended up in the fountain. Katara looked to her and shook her head slightly. "There has to be more to her than that."

"There's more." Mai continued. "When I saw her for the first time in years she all but threatened Ty Lee to join her. She used my feelings for Zuko against me, and she tried to kill Zuko and myself." Mai looked to Katara as she felt her throat vibrate slightly as her voice rose."

Mai noticed Katara's face scrunched in thought. She thought the look was rather foolish and hoped her face did not do the same thing when she was thinking. "You said she was driven to be perfect, did she obsess over it?"

"I would say so." Mai answered smoothly. "The most recent time I saw her practice was a few days before we fought Suki and her warriors near Ba Sing Sei. Some air flip and fire move. She landed and wobbled just a bit. Ty Lee said 'she almost had it' and Azula said 'almost wasn't good enough.'"

Katara nodded. "Was she always so hard on herself?" Mai had taken her voice in check and simply nodded and Katara continued. "When did that start?"

Mai tilted her head in thought before answering. "A few months before her mother went missing and Fire Lord Azulon died. She was always spoiled, but she didn't start to get really mean until she started Fire bending training."

"How was she trained?" Katara asked.

"I honestly don't know." Mai replied evenly. You would have to ask her. I do know that her father trained her personally, but Azula would never talk about her training except to show off her new moves, usually just to rub it in Zuko's face that her father trained her and not him."

Katara nodded and stood up. Mai was relatively surprised that she wasn't asking for more. _I wonder if she thinks I don't care enough to help her._ Mai thought "Katara. I want to see Azula get better. I'm still angry about what she did to Zuko, me and Ty Lee, but I don't want her to lose her mind." Mai sighed and leaned against the wall crossing her arms and looked off to the side. "I would never have thought Azula could shatter so completely. She always had it together. She always was so sure of herself."

Katara frowned a bit in concern as she thought of something and then the frown faded. "All right, I should go get some sleep. Thank you Mai."

"You're welcome, but I don't see how I helped." Mai paused a little uneasy. She never liked asking for help. "Please Katara, help her? I am very worried for her."

Mai could see her blue eyes soften and she nodded. "I promise you Mai I will do my best too. I'll come by tomorrow night after I see Azula and let you know how it went. Okay?"

Mai could feel the tension leave her brow a bit and her lips twitch into a relieved smile. "Thank you." Katara nodded and left.

Mai had to admit of all of Zuko's new friends she understood Katara the least. She had seen her plenty of times around the palace in the past month since Zuko's coronation. She had not said much to the girl but the two did get along when together. She was usually in good spirits, though she had noticed she was a little less cheerful since the Avatar had left to train with whoever it was at the Air Temple. She wasn't excessively happy like Ty lee was; she was more restrained and seemed more… motherly. Mai figured that was the right word. She seemed to express a deep concern for other people even those who she had no obligation too. _Like Azula,_ she thought wryly. She seemed utterly opposite to Mai. Mai knew she was reserved and people she knew, mainly Zuko, wished she was more expressive. Katara seemed to wear her heart on her sleeve and always tried to help anyone and everyone.

Mai had heard of the old Water bender who was kidnapping Fire Nation people and locking them away and despite how secret they kept it she knew that a rumor was going around that a young Water bender stopped her and freed the people. Her Uncle had once complained before the Eclipse that he was denied a prisoner because she was an old Water bender, but he wanted to prove The Boiling Rock could hold even a master Water bender despite the lake it rested in.

She was shocked when Katara confirmed it was her. Mai never even stopped to consider helping anyone in the Earth Kingdom. Katara was deep in enemy territory, and not only did she stop to help people that would have probably turned her in, but she betrayed one of her own to help innocent people. Mai felt shame more and more lately. Ever since Zuko began coaxing feelings out of her, she was feeling more regret that she never tried to help anyone before Zuko, even her own brother. She vowed when things calmed down she would spend more time with Tom-Tom and make up for not trading King Bumi for her baby brother.

She rubbed her eyes and yawned. She was tired, but she had too much work to do. She sat down by her desk and resumed working on the decree Zuko asked her to about creating a Fire Nation board of medicine so quacks like Ling could be stopped before they hurt patients. She sighed when she could not focus and muttered a curse and decided to go to bed and do it in the morning.


	11. Page 10: Acts of Kindness

**Disclaimer: (IdnoAtLA) Disclaimer: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and either posted comments or emailed me their thoughts!**

**Please Read and Review All Constructive critique Welcome. Enjoy**

**Book 4: Spirit**

**Chapter 1: Azula's Lost Days**

**Page 10– Acts of Kindness**

Azula stirred slowly from her position on the floor. She had never crawled from the floor after that horrible nightmare. Her vision was blurry as her eyes focused and tried to chase the sleep from them as she sat up. She rubbed her head as the door swung open. She didn't need her eyes to hear the overly friendly sounding foot steps as Ming brought her breakfast.

"Good morning Princess Azula I brought you…" Azula's eyes had focused and she could see Ming staring at her. "Princess, are you all right? Did you sleep on the floor last night?" Azula could even hear the pity in her voice.

"As if you cared." Azula managed in a hoarse whisper. "I'm not hungry. Take that slop away!" Azula managed a defiant glare and winced as her stomach growled voraciously as the scent of the porridge met her nose. It was savory smelling and smelled much better than the usual food she was given. Her father always said, 'sweeter honey, sharper poison'.

"You need to eat something." Ming started in that mockingly warm voice.

"You do not control me!" Azula yelled and managed to stand and stumble to the bars as she glared. "You are **_nothing_** to me, just some stupid peasant who's a bad actor!" Azula smirked in a bitter self satisfied way at the frown on Ming's face. _As if I wouldn't figure it out _Azula thought bitterly. No one is that nice without a hidden agenda. Her stomach growled in protest at her resolve as the scent of bacon drifted to her nose as she bit her lip.

"But Princess…" Ming mocked her.

"Don't call me that!" Azula shouted at her as she gripped the bars so hard her pallid fingers turned even whiter. "You don't deserve to call me that." She hissed trying to keep her eyes off the overly large bowl where her breakfast was.

"Very well, but you must be hungry." Azula closed her eyes trying to shut out the smell of the food and Ming's insistent voice. "You haven't eaten well in weeks."

Azula could not decide whether she was angry at Ming's continuous one track mind or how much her resolve was getting worn down. "You're not my Mother. You eat it!" She snapped at the girl with a smirk. Let Ming call her bluff. She knew no one would willingly poison themselves.

Azula's eyes narrowed when Ming simply nodded. "Very well then, I haven't eaten today either." Azula was more surprised when Ming ladled the porridge into the bowl and sat down and sipped from it. She watched as Ming downed the serving in a few minutes and then ladled the rest into the same bowl and held it to her from one of the serving gaps in the bars. She simply waited.

Azula reached out and grabbed the bowl and looked at it suspiciously. She sniffed it. The food did smell appetizing. She could smell the savory scent of bacon and the yeasty smell of the rice porridge. It wasn't as good as what she had at the palace for breakfast, but it was a good peasant stew.

Azula ran it through her mind over and over. Ming had taken and eaten an entire portion of porridge. She ladled from the same serving bowl. She used the same ladle and used the same bowl Ming herself used. Her brain raced trying to find the trick, but calculation after calculation later she just could not find it. She could not believe it. The food was safe. Her brow knitted and she tilted her head back and nearly swooned as the thick, and fatty concoction poured past her lips.

Azula's eyes closed; she barely held back a whimper of ecstasy as she poured the porridge down her throat. Hunger indeed was the best spice, she realized, as she nearly swooned at the heavy thick taste as her stomach quickly filled. She never even realized she hadn't paused to breathe as she pulled the empty bowl away and gasped for air as she wiped her finger along the sides of the bowl and sucked her finger clean. It wasn't until that moment that her mind focused on what her exhausted and starved body was doing automatically. It, also, wasn't until that moment that she felt the disgust at how desperate and pathetic she had become.

Azula saw Ming standing there watching her in a calm quiet way. It reminded her of the way Mai would observe people, unobtrusively. She felt her face grow flush in embarrassment at being witnessed in such a shameful display. Azula gritted her teeth and thrust the bowl between the bars and dropped it to the floor. "I'm done." She hissed in her awkwardness.

Ming calmly took the bowl and set it down. Azula could tell that something was bothering the woman's mind. It started to grate her after a minute. "Well what else do you want?" Azula snapped. "You fed your caged monster, now go!"

Azula grew even angrier when Ming refused to leave. She was about to yell at the guard again when she nodded and took a rolled package and looked back to the door. Azula could tell right away Ming was ensuring the guards were not watching her. Her snarl faded into a curious frown. What was Ming worried about?

Ming quickly pushed the wrapped parcel through the bars on the floor and looked to Azula and spoke quickly. "The water is going to run much longer for you from now on." She then quickly turned and walked out.

Azula thought Ming's comment odd as she stared at the door when the woman left. After a minute, she remembered the other odd thing about Ming's visit and looked down. She reached down and picked up the wrapped bundle. It wasn't particularly heavy and Azula stared at it for a few minutes before she unwrapped the white cloth that covered it.

She blinked in shock as she looked at the contents. A vial of her favorite shampoo, juniper, jasmine and rose, and a small comb were in the parcel along with a bundle of blank paper. She unfolded them and found several sticks of crayon: a black one; a green one; a blue one; and a terra cotta one. She looked back to the door in confusion. "Why would she give me any of these?" Azula wondered out loud.

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Azula had her eyes closed in relish as she lathered her poor mistreated hair. She was careful to keep quiet. She had to admit, Ming was true to her word. The water had run at least double the amount of time it normally would have. She never used the shampoo of course. Agni only knew what poisons could have been laced in the fragrant mixture that would have soaked in her skin. No, Azula knew better. Ming wanted her trust, and Azula would not be won over by a simple full belly.

Still, Azula had to admit if playing along meant that she had enough time to give her hair a proper washing with the cheap soap they had already given her, then so be it. She rinsed the lathered soap out of her hair and started running the comb through it. She winced, suppressing a yelp, as she pulled the carved bone instrument through her tangled hair forcefully. For the past few weeks she barely had enough time to give her hair a quick rinse as she tried to comb her hair straight back.

Azula still felt disturbed. Something felt too familiar about the whole situation. That horrible feeling of deja'vu refused to die down as she finished rinsing herself when an odd noise rumbled through the pipe. She stared at it for a few seconds as the warm water ran down her form until a massive deluge came through the spigot and splashed right into her. She was knocked from her feet with a yelp. Azula desperately clawed at the wall as she was dragged out into the main room of her cell and was pinned to the wall and frozen to the spot.

When her eyes focused from the stars after her head hit the wall she realized she was literally frozen to the wall. Her entire body save her head was encased in ice. Standing before her was that Water Tribe bitch.

"Let me go you bitch!" Azula screamed part in anger and part in fright and struggled as best she could. She felt some of the water melt and cover her mouth and refreeze holding her still.

"Now, now Azula, we need a little girl talk." The other girl… _Katara that was her name,_ said in a frighteningly calm voice. Azula noticed the look in the girl's eyes. Azure eyes reflected pure ice with a malicious smile that would have made Ozai proud. "And I don't take kindly to your tone of voice. We'll have to do something to make you respect others." She said with a sadistic mirth.

Azula watched terrified as Katara gestured with her arms. Suddenly, Azula felt a sudden burst of cold agony in her chest and she couldn't draw a breath. Azula panicked when she realized Katara had frozen her lungs solid. The rest of the ice turned to water and Azula just gagged and spasmed on the floor.

Katara calmly walked toward the shivering and writhing form of Azula as she gaped in pure terror. _When did she walk past the bars?_ The rational part of Azula's mind chimed in weakly.

Azula's vision began to turn black as Katara bent down to stare right into Azula's golden eyes with her ice blue orbs of hatred. "Go ahead and struggle Azula. In here, no one can hear you scream…" Was the last thing Azula heard before her awareness ceased.

Azula sat upright in bed with a gasp of fright clutching her chest as she felt her heart beat race in her chest. She was close to hyperventilating again as she struggled to slow her breathing down. _Calm down!_ She told herself as she realized it was just another nightmare.

Azula quickly calmed down. With a full stomach her mind was acting clearer. She had laid down to sleep after taking her shower. Her meal and the extra long shower had lulled her into enough relaxation to get some decent sleep. Azula felt her heart beat slow down to a decent crawl and her breathing slowed to where she wasn't hiccupping from swallowing too much air.

"How long was I out for?" She whispered out loud as she rubbed her head with a headache that told her it should be around meal-time. Azula didn't have to wait long as the door to her chamber opened and in walked Ming with another tray of something.

"Good evening!" Ming said in her overtly cheerful Ty Lee voice. Azula stared astonished. Had she actually slept the entire day?

"What time is it?" Azula asked in as neutral voice as possible.

Ming looked to her confused. Azula figured it was because she wasn't used to her asking anything. "It's about seven hours past noon. I have dinner for you Princess… I mean Azula."

Azula was too put off by her head ache to care at Ming's use of her stolen title as she reflected on the time. _Not good. I can't afford to leave myself that vulnerable for that long._ Azula figured she must have been asleep at least ten hours!

Azula was brought out by her thoughts as Ming said in her voice. "And I have a plate of sushi for you. I heard how much you enjoy it." Azula narrowed her eyes instantly suspicious as Ming showed she indeed had a decent platter of platter of sushi with at least thirty pieces and a large pitcher of water with two glasses. Azula also took note that there was at least two pieces of each piece of sushi. When Azula looked back to Ming, the guard calmly stated. "I took the liberty of having my meal prepared along with yours. You can pick what ever you want first."

Azula was not stupid. She knew exactly what Ming was trying to do. Ming thought that just because she was willing to eat what Azula was eating that would build some sort of trust between them. "I can't decide." She said in an even tone. "You pick first."

Azula could see Ming's eyes narrow in confusion before she shrugged. "Okay." Ming sat down and using a set of chop sticks she sectioned off half of the sushi and offered the rest to Azula.

"No." Azula said simply. "You take half of what's left and give me half of yours." Azula smirked. She knew she had the woman dead to rights. Even if Ming took into account that Azula would demand the half that she took for herself, Azula guaranteed that Ming took at least half of the tainted food. She watched as Ming portioned the food out again and offered Azula the plate. Azula took the plate and sat on the bed and ate with her fingers. "It's not going to work girl." Azula said with all the spite she could muster. The food from breakfast, the shower and the sleep, despite the nightmare, helped Azula be much more coherent. Thank Agni her eyes weren't telling her she was speaking to Ty Lee any longer.

"What isn't?" Ming said in, what Azula thought was a convincing, feigned tone of confusion.

"Your little bonding exercise." Azula replied calmly as she took a sip from the water cup Ming was about to put to her lips. "I know you're the guard that watched over my loser of an Uncle."

Azula arched a brow and saw she had hit a nerve as Ming replied. "General Iroh is a great man."

She bristled as she retorted. "Iroh is a pathetic quitter and a loser and a **_traitor_** just like little Zuzu as he plays with his stolen crown." Azula smirked as Ming kept her mouth shut. Azula could tell she wanted to say something, but she was holding her tongue.

The rest of the meal was finished in idle chatter as Azula could sense Ming's attempt to connect with her. Azula found it all rather boring. When Azula wouldn't respond, Ming just prattled on in a few half hearted attempts at pleasantries. After a few minutes, Ming just gave up and bid Azula good night and took the plates out.

Azula smiled darkly as she watched the guard leave. It had been a long while since she had, had anything even close to fun. After a few minutes the little sadistic glee wore off and Azula was once again alone and brooding. She sighed and sat on her cot and tapped her leg with that nervous energy that came with being still for too long. Her mind was finally clearing enough to realize how bad her situation was, and it depressed her to no ends. She bit her lip.

She would not let it get the best of her again. She would find some way to keep herself occupied. Just then her eyes strayed to the art kit that Ming had brought her that morning. She had left it on the floor, and honestly had forgotten it since this morning and before her last nightmare of when Katara… _Damn it no! I'm not going to think about that!_ She ordered herself inwardly. She shivered and rolled her eyes, picked up the kit and sat at the little table in her cell.

It was later that she looked up as the door opened. Azula's eyes narrowed wondering who was coming to see her, or wondered if she simply fell back asleep and this was another nightmare.

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Katara sighed as she made her way to the prison. Her conversation with Mai hadn't been as helpful as she hoped. She could not believe that Mai didn't know Azula better. Though as guarded a girl that she was, maybe it wasn't that surprising. After all for years Toph's parents hadn't known a thing about their daughter. Katara had done her best to prepare herself. She ran over everything in her mind that she knew of Azula, and had meditated nearly constantly since she woke up this morning. She had done everything in order to prepare herself.

She sighed as she entered the prison. It hadn't been nearly enough. Katara knew she was in way over her head. She was going into a battle and she just did not know the rules of engagement. The Azula she knew would be razor sharp, intelligent and manipulative, but this Azula wasn't anything like that. With all the reports she poured over were anything to go by, this Azula was very, very fragile. She didn't want to push too hard and risk shattering her like an over taxed ice sculpture.

Katara winced when the guards let her pass without incident into the prison itself. She supposed Zuko had already instructed them to let her pass. She was grateful that the moon was full again. She wouldn't have felt safe going into Azula's cell without her being at some advantage. Even despite the mechanist's cell and the reports describing that she hadn't Bended once, she knew what kind of reaction Azula would have towards her, and she didn't want to risk Azula finding a way to Bend out of sheer willpower.

She shivered again at the memory of Azula's broken sobbing when she had thought Katara was her mother, weeks ago when she was first imprisoned. Katara had to admit, it was heart wrenching.

"And that idiot Doctor was just going to leave her alone until she broke." She hissed in anger. To think that, that Doctor was considered some sort of expert on the mind. She shook her head angrily. _What an idiot!_ She thought.

Maybe it wasn't so surprising that Azula snapped; Katara mused. With Ozai as a father and as obsessed with being perfect that she was, maybe she just finally snapped. Maybe Ty Lee's action to save Mai's life was just one final straw of a breaking that had been in the making?

Katara just rubbed the bridge of her nose in frustration. She still did not know what she was going to say when she was face to face with the Fire bender. All this guesswork didn't amount to anything without a plan of action. Katara was just going to have to go with her feelings on how to help Azula. There was nothing else to do at this point. She was almost at Azula's cell.

Katara rubbed her fingers in her pocket and felt the parchment that had arrived today. At least there was some good news. She finally heard back from Sokka and Toph and she could not believe the news. It was amazing that… Katara was pulled from her thoughts, suddenly, when she reached Azula's cell and was stopped by two guards.

"I'm sorry Miss, but we have been instructed to not allow any visitors into the Princess's cell." The lead guard said in a commanding voice.

"Excuse me Sir…" Katara said in what she hoped was just an authoritative voice. "… My name is Katara. I was asked personally to attend to Lady Azula by the Fire Lord himself."

Katara felt relieved a moment when she saw the guards nod. "We understand that, but we have been instructed to not allow anyone into The Lady's cell until further notice."

Now Katara was growing frustrated. She already was put off balance by the whole situation, and to be honest the frustration of having her family and friends away for weeks put together with her trepidation of being in the same cell as Azula was getting to her. Granted she was grateful for any reason to stall her 'chat' with the Princess, she was not, however, going to let Zuko down after she promised him. "And why is that?" She asked with her frustration just coming through.

The guard straightened and said with finality. "Because the Fire Lord ordered no one to disturb him and his sister until he singled." He tapped his spear to the ground to indicate the matter was closed.

Katara just blinked a few moments processing the news. Zuko decided to talk to Azula himself? Katara frowned with worry. Although it spared her from the deed, she was very concerned. Zuko had walked right into the Moose Lion's den.


	12. Page 11 From the Knife's Edge

**Disclaimer: (IdnoAtLA) Disclaimer: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and either posted comments or emailed me their thoughts! Holy crap…. What an obscenely long stretch of writer's block. Folks, to those of you who've waited, thank you. I'm so happy to have the juices up and flowing again. I uploaded everything as seems to have screwed with my paragraph breaks a bit and I made a few edits here and there. Well here you all go. Enjoy!**

**Please Read and Review All Constructive critique Welcome. Enjoy**

**Book 4: Spirit**

**Chapter 1: Azula's Lost Days**

**Page 11– From the Knife's Edge**

Zuko took a deep breath and found his center before entering the cell and heard the door shut behind him.

"Well I should feel honored that the new Fire Lord has decided to honor me with his presence."

She smirked when Zuko's eyes widened as he shook his head and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "It must be a family thing…" He muttered to himself and looked back up to her.

Azula could instantly tell something was off with Zuko. Despite how straight he kept his shoulders, she could see the slightest hunch to them. He was deliberately keeping them straight. His eyes were lined with dark rings from lack of sleep. Her false smile drew into a sneer. "What's the matter little Zuzu? Was your treacherous whore not around to sing you little lullabies about turtle ducks last night?"

Zuko's eyes narrowed as Azula saw him try to regain his mental balance. She realized she caught him off guard. "Evening Azula it's good to see you as observant as ever."

"Well Zuzu there isn't much to do around here day or night except to observe." Azula was slightly surprised at the bitterness she let slip into her voice. She had to keep better control of herself. "I do thank you for your concern; however, especially in light of everything you've done to help me."

"Azula…" Zuko began only to be cut off.

"No, no I mean it after all stealing **_my _**friends from me and turning them against me was truly a kindness. Should we also remember your charity when you stole my crown from me by cheating?" Azula knew she should control her outburst, but found she couldn't stop herself now that she had started. "Lest not we forget, by far your most blessed gift unto me, leaving me free of the burden to bear Mother's affection and love by being so pathetic she had to devote all her heart and soul to you."

Azula kept her honeydew sweet smile up as an uncomfortable silence settled on the two siblings.

Azula grinned wickedly, and reveled in her victory when, four minutes later Zuko turned and stormed off without a word.

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Katara wasn't sure what exactly she should do. Finally she had made the decision to wait and be there in case Zuko needed anything when he exited. It was one minute later as she was comfortable in this decision when the door flung open and a very pissed off looking Zuko stormed out the room and down the hallway. Katara stared shocked at Zuko's back and turned to the sound of the door being closed and caught a glimpse of the wide eyed and sadistic smile that spread across Azula's face like a rictus grin.

Blinking she turned and ran after Zuko. "Zuko? Is everything alright?" She tried asking between strides.

"Not now Katara." He heard Zuko growl under his breath.

"Zuko… talk to me. I'm your friend." It was at this point Zuko stopped and looked to her. She had seen many sides of her friend before; enemy, ally, victim, prisoner. Katara closed her mouth and allowed Zuko to leave alone. The unspoken command for solitude came not from her friend but from the Fire Lord.

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Zuko walked into her cell the next morning and Azula could see he was deeply troubled. "What's the matter little Zuzu? Did you have a rough night? I'd sing you a lullaby, but then you never did appreciate anything I did for you." She smirked as she saw Zuko wince and his eyes narrowed a bit. _Good, let the bastard hurt a bit for everything he's caused me._ She thought satisfied.

"Good morning Azula." He said simply. He nodded and two of the guards came in behind him. One carried a long spear and he lowered it so it pointed to her. She smirked from behind her cage and stepped back. Zuko took _her_ crown out of his top knot and handed it to the other guard and nodded to him.

One of the guards instantly objected. "Sir… I don't think you should…" Zuko cut him off with a raise of his hand. Azula frowned puzzled. If any of her servants dared to question her like that she would have snuffed him out like a candle. She wanted to know what Zuko was up to.

"I know what I am doing. Open it." Zuko said crisply to the guard. The guard nodded and opened the door. Zuko quickly stepped in and the door shut behind him before Azula could react.

Azula was dumb struck. Zuko was in her cell, _her_ very cell. Her eyes widened. What did he want? She felt her heart beating erratically. There in front of her, within arms reach, the very thing that had caused her nothing but grief. The traitor that dared call himself her brother, she felt her arms and legs tense as she hissed at him. "What are you doing?" She nearly growled at him.

"Something I should have done a long time ago." Azula could hear the calm way he spoke. He reached into his robe and drew out a knife. Her eyes narrowed at him as her teeth grinded.

"Come to finally finish me off dear brother? Does your toy not amuse you any longer Fire Lord?" She would not make it easy for him, she may not be able to bend but she could still fight. She took a stance and wobbled. It had been weeks since she last practiced.

"No I haven't Azula." He said calmly.

"That's hard to believe when you have…" Azula had a flash of memory she had when she was younger, of something she had thought she forgotten. When she was little and her mother had not yet abandoned her. Her father was discussing something with mother. She was too young to really understand or care what they were talking about, but she had snuck in to ask her mother for an extra glass of sweet nectar before bed.

Her parents were not aware she was watching them. She remembered her mother's face grew angry and she said something cutting to Father. Father had become enraged. He slapped her mother hard across the face grabbed her by the hair and dragged her to the bed. He held his palm above her face and sneered at her. To this day Azula could remember what her father said as she fled the room. **_"Time to put that pretty face to something better suited for it."_**

Azula ran to her room and cried. That was the day she learned never to make her father upset. In time, when she saw the way men would look at the whores in the brothels, she learned what that sneer meant and what had happened after she ran. "…the knife." Azula realized with a shudder. There was one thing left that could be stolen. She reacted in a blind panic and charged her brother with a scream of desperation and fear. She would be damned to the worst nightmare she could imagine before she let any man take that from her, let alone her pitiful excuse for a brother.

Zuko reacted and kicked the table over and in her way. She tripped over herself and stumbled forward clumsily. Her agility was utterly atrophied and she closed her eyes in abject terror when she felt Zuko's hand close on her shirt. She stumbled a bit as her momentum and his movements guided her more stably to her feet. When she realized she was still standing she opened her eyes and turned around. Zuko's back was to the front of her cage. She was staring right at him, her golden eyes looking to him cautiously. She took in his smooth face and the vicious scar that marred it as a trophy of Father's anger. She was relieved not to be on the ground, but what was Zuko after? She eyed him suspiciously, and after a minute of stalemate, he spoke.

"I'm not here as Fire Lord." He tossed the knife to the ground by her feet. She stared at him incredulously. What on earth was he up to? "I'm simply here as Zuko. You hate me Azula. You hunted me down because Father told you to, but we both know you would have done it just for the fun of it."

Azula's eyes narrowed. She would have. She risked a quick glance to the knife and back to him. "What are you up to Zuko?"

"You blame me for everything wrong with your life. I'm here to offer you a chance to give me what you feel, is justice." He turned around, spread his arms out and kneeled facing the guards. "I'm here as the brother who despite everything, still loves you."

Azula was utterly shocked as she stared at her brother's back and at the knife; Zuko's words were ringing in her mind. "It's a trick." She said barely above a whisper as she bent down and picked up the knife.

"No trick, Sister." Zuko said calmly. She could see his shoulders tense slightly as the knife made a slight clink as she scraped it on the floor as she picked it up.

Zuko was horrible at lying. No matter what, some things never changed. Azula scanned and scanned his words in her mind, searching for the lie and could not find it. She looked to the guards and saw their jaws dropped in astonishment and looking very confused. Clearly Zuko did not deign to tell them of this trick.

She closed the distance as the guards tried to open the cage's door and get in. She beat them before the door could be opened and had the knife at Zuko's throat. "Open the door now!" She screamed as the guard started to open the door.

"No! Keep it shut and leave." Her brother called out.

"Open it and let me out of here or I will kill him!" She countered.

"No. What ever you decide Azula, stays in this room, between you and me. Guards this is a direct order, leave now." She could see the indecision on their faces and her hopes fell as they turned and left the cell, locking the door behind them. It was just her and Zuko and the knife that separated his death, and her justice.

"What game are you playing?" She asked in desperation as she thought of him dying at her feet.

"No games Azula. Your whole life has been marked by cruelty and blaming everyone else. You did nothing but imitate and sought to please the very same monster I thought I had to please." He spoke calmly.

"Father wasn't a monster!" She screamed and kicked him hard in the back as he fell to the floor. "He was a great man! He was the Fire Lord this country needed. Not some bleeding heart, honor less dog!"

Zuko stood up calmly and looked her in the eyes. They were exactly the same shade of golden amber her father's were, just as Azula's were, but they had a soft expression like mother. _Mother _she thought bitterly. Mother never cared about her. She only loved Zuko. She loved the weak. Father cared for the strong. _Didn't he?_

She raised the knife up staring down from his eyes to his chest. She wondered if she had given him another scar from her lightning attack. She could cut out that soft heart of his once and for all. She trembled. Everyone choose Zuko over her. Her mother, her friends, everyone thought that she wasn't good enough. The only one that picked her was Father and Zuko stole him from her too. She felt her eyes tearing over as she thought of the crown she should be wearing. Zuko had stolen her soul and her fate.

"You stole my destiny…" She cried freely. What did it matter if he saw? He was going to be dead any second.

"Was it your destiny Azula, or was it the destiny someone else picked for you?" Zuko asked her. His voice was calm, but was firm.

"Shut up!" She hissed. "Father wanted me to be Fire Lord, because he knew, out of everyone, he could only trust me!"

"Father picked you to be Fire Lord, because he knew he could control you. Your entire life you have fought to be perfect for him Azula. You let him choose your fate. You can pick your own destiny now, a better one."

Azula was so confused. She felt like she was talking to Uncle Iroh. Destiny, choice, she chose to be perfect. Father rewarded her. Zuko chose to be weak and look what father did to him for it. "There only ever was one choice." She whispered as she tightened the grip on the knife and raised her arm up.

Zuko just stared at her calmly. "Just so long as it's your choice."

Azula stared into those eyes, and that face of his. Just like Father's and Mother's wrapped up into one. Her arm wouldn't move. She willed it but it refused to obey her. She was so confused. Her head was swimming and throbbing. She was screaming at herself to kill him. She could finish what Father wanted her to do, but then would it solve anything? He was her enemy, but wasn't he still her brother? He said he loved her, but here he was offering himself up to her, what kind of victory was that for her? Where was the honor in that? At least he would be dead. Mai and Ty Lee could never betray her again. What was she supposed to do? Azula was utterly ripping apart inside with indecision. She could feel something in her chest coiling and uncoiling like an imprisoned dragon. She couldn't think. She couldn't even breathe. She couldn't do it with him just watching and waiting. He looked too much like Mother, _Father! _She caught herself. _He looks too much like Dad!_

She closed her eyes and screamed as she brought the knife down as hard as she could and heard the sickening scrape as it ground against metal. She collapsed to her knees openly weeping as she supported herself on her arms and opened her eyes and saw the knife had somehow slide perfectly between the seams of two metal plates when she threw it away. She felt woozy as she cried; her stomach hurt, her head was pounding. She felt weaker than she had in her entire life.

She looked up as her vision blurred and could see her brother. She could no longer make out his face, save for a pale blurry mass with a purplish blur where his scar was, as he screamed something to the door. She vaguely heard his voice over the creek of a metal door as she felt someone catch her in their strong arms, and blackness took her again.


	13. Page 12, The Dragon's Throne

**Disclaimer: (IdnoAtLA) Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and either posted comments or emailed me their thoughts!**

**Please Read and Review All Constructive critique Welcome. Enjoy**!

**Page 12 – The Dragon's Throne**

Azula opened her eyes casting off the darkness. She felt like she was waking up from a deep sleep, and felt the feverish heat coming from her forehead. When she tried rubbing the dull throb away, she saw the blurred vision of someone in front of her and staggered closer. _What just happened?_ She asked herself. She vaguely recalled something about Zuko and iron bars and shouting. Nothing seemed really clear in her mind.

Finally her vision cleared, and she saw the 'other person' was simply her reflection. She distantly noticed the only thing there, was a reflection, no mirror, no walls, nor floor, simply a reflective plane of darkness in front of her. She blinked in shock at her reflection. She was an absolute mess; her eyes had deep shadows underneath them from lack of sleep, and she could see the mess her haphazardly mutilated hair was in as it stuck out from weeks of neglect. The worst was the broken hunch to her back and the slump of her shoulders. Her father never would have allowed her to have such posture. She looked like some broken homeless woman that had stolen royal armor. _Daddy would be disappointed_. She had heard in the back of her mind with a heart wrenching realization.

Her reflection blurred suddenly and she was staring at herself again as she should appear. Back straight, clothing perfect, she was the razor sharp woman she always was. She smiled until she noticed she could still feel the messy and stiff strands of her hair crowning her head. She looked at her hands and saw the scraped and dirty hands she saw at first and looked back to the pristine reflection of herself pantomiming her movements. She couldn't help the feeling that the reflection was somehow mocking her silently as she reached out and felt her hand connect with **_something_** that felt like cold glass and water at the same time as her reflection mimicked her.

Suddenly she felt icy cold envelope her hand as the reflection reached **_through_** the plane and grabbed her arm. She stared down in shock at her hand and tried to pull away without success and looked back to 'her' face. She could see clearly now her reflection was smiling at her. That cold calculated smile she knew so well. She had given that smile to so many people in her life, that she knew how the smile stretched the muscles in her face as she felt her face tighten against her will. Suddenly she was the reflection. She had never felt as vulnerable as her face moved without her will in response to the other Azula's movements as she turned her head this way and that.

The horror at not being able to even express her unbidden fear nearly consumed her until a new horror crept along her spine as the other Azula's face started to melt. Like a painting that hadn't been given time to dry, she watched as her face lost all individuality and became a smooth sheet of skin without identity. She gaped in terror until she felt the other her pull and she slammed into something that shattered like glass and she tumbled down, with shards of her other-self spinning, into the darkness.

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Mai ran to the infirmary, fear evident on her face. The guards hadn't had two sentences out when she bolted. All she heard was: incident, Prisoner, Fire Lord, knife and infirmary. Now she stood in the doorway looking inside. She had expected to see a team of surgeons and healers trying to keep Zuko from bleeding to death. Instead all she saw was Zuko sitting anxiously by one of the beds occupied by a shivering and muttering Azula underneath a pile of blankets.

"What happened?" She asked angrily as her fear came out as frustration now that she saw Zuko was all right.

Zuko laid a hand on his sister's head and winced as he looked to Mai. "I went to go see her again this morning and she collapsed."

The loud crack of skin on skin resounded throughout the infirmary as Mai slapped Zuko across the cheek. "Don't you ever scare me like this again! Why did you go see her after last night? The guards said something about a knife and you were in her cell. What were you thinking?!"

The look on Zuko's face made Mai's heart tear. "She's my sister Mai. I had too." Zuko looked worried, but he also looked unsurprised as if he knew what was happening.

"Where are the healers?" She sat beside him and looked at Azula with mild curiosity, her anger lightly diffused by Zuko's heart ache.

"I sent them away. They can't help her with this." Zuko said simply and looked back to Azula.

"What's wrong with her?" Mai winced when she touched Azula's head and felt the feverish heat.

"She's going through… a transformation." Was all Zuko said.

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Azula fell through the darkness until she hit the ground hard. She grunted as she rolled along the uneven paved stone surface. She slowly pushed herself back to her feet and wobbled.

"No lightning today?" She heard a familiar voice mock her. "What's the matter, afraid I'll redirect it?"

Zuko? _It was Zuko_. The Agni Kai! She was in the middle of the Agni Kai with her brother. She must have hit her head when he knocked her off her feet. She must have passed out for a minute and hallucinated the whole thing.

She felt her rage grow at his mocking. "I'll show you lightning!" She screamed and began separating Yin and Yang. She didn't care how dangerous it was. She felt the energy build and build. The comet enhanced power she had allowed her to build the charge despite how agitated she was. She saw the calm determination on Zuko's face and noticed that his pet Water bender made her way onto the field of the Agni Kai. _You're fair game bitch._ Azula sent the lightning bolt hurtling towards Katara, and smiled knowing she calculated perfectly as Zuko rushed in to take the blast himself.

Suddenly she heard a sound and everything blurred and spun. Suddenly she was staring directly at herself and the massive charge of lightning coming towards her. She panicked. She had no time to react and she knew that the attack would tear her in half. She couldn't believe the manic and crazed look on her own face as the lightning barreled towards her.

Then Zuko was there, poor predictable Zuko. She knew Zuko would rush in to save Katara, she had planned for it, but she never expected it to be this horrible. The lightning struck Zuko. The flashing light made Azula's eyes hurt as she felt the pulsing energy vibrate the air along with Zuko's screams. The hackles rose on the back of her neck from the static and she could smell ozone and burning meat.

She felt sick with disgust and fear. She had never before used lightning on someone and had it actually connect. She had no idea it could do this to a living body. She hadn't been this close the first time this happened.

_First time?_ Azula thought to herself. She wondered if this had all happened before. Zuko fell to the ground, and Azula looked up in time to see herself charge haphazardly towards them while laughing like a madwoman.

Everything spun again and suddenly she was outside Zuko's room looking inside the door.

"Never forget who you are." She heard her mother say. Mother was standing by Zuko's bed as his unscarred face looked to Ursa with love.

Was their mother leaving? Azula couldn't imagine why. Did it have something to do with what Grandpa told her Father earlier? She saw her mother turn to leave. Suddenly Azula was running as quietly as she could to her room. She had to beat her mother there for when she came to say good bye to her.

She waited for hours and her mother never came. Finally she gave up and cried herself to sleep, promising that Zuko would regret stealing their mother from her.

She awoke with a start. She felt herself sitting on something soft and at the same time felt her knees against something hard and metal. Her mind strained itself, as she saw herself sitting upon the throne of the Fire Lord and at the same time through those eyes saw herself chained to the grate after her Agni Kai.

Whispers crawled in to her four ears distractingly. Sinewy bodies flew around and between the two hers. Dragons of several colors appeared before her.

"Power." A gold dragon said, sounding remarkably like her father. "It can be yours Fire Lord Azula." It tempted in honeyed false affection.

"No!" A red dragon yelled out as it flew around her as she was chained to the grate. This one had a large purple discoloration down its side. "The gold dragon lies. It always lies. Do not let it use you Azula." The voice like her brother said. She grit her teeth and turned away from it and looked longingly to the gold dragon.

This time a soft blue dragon slithered along the throne and looked to her where she sat. "Do not let the gold dragon destroy you." It said, and while the red dragon was self-righteous sounding, this dragon sounded concerned and caring. "Do not let him turn you into an uncaring weapon. Do not let him steal who you are away."

The gold dragon roared. "Cowards! Weaklings! Do not listen to them. They can't fathom the kind of power you can have. You just need to seize it." The gold dragon spoke to her as she kneeled chained; its whiskers stroking her face possessively.

"At the cost of your identity." The red one chimed in, the ugly purple marks marring its beautiful red scales.

"At the cost of your humanity." The blue one whispered softly as it rubbed against her side lovingly as she sat on the throne.

The gold one took a snap at the other two coming just short of biting as it turned to Azula as she lay chained. "At the cost of powerlessness. At the cost of pain." It said angrily. "What is it not to love if never again to hurt?"

Azula was at a loss. She could feel her heart beating faster and faster. She felt helpless and vulnerable. She couldn't stop the tears from her eyes. All the voices were too much. She felt like they were coming from inside her own head.

"Be a flaming sword and never again be cast aside by those that would lie to you about their love." The gold one stared intently into her eyes.

"Do not be a slave. Do not dishonor yourself with blind hatred." The red one roared with pride, staying in between the two halves of herself.

"Do not be a weapon. Be the person you were meant to be. Not what someone else wanted you to be." The blue one said desperately.

Azula couldn't think. It was too much. She did what she always did when her heart was near to bursting. She used all her power to force her emotions down as much as possible. With all her strength she broke her chains as her throne shattered, and she wrapped all her arms around the gold and blue dragons and watched everything dissolve in fire.

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Zuko blinked in shock as Azula's eyes opened and she gasped softly. It had been three days. He didn't know what was wrong. Azula would wake and then take a drink and disappear back into her visions. Zuko's fever had only been a day, but Azula didn't seem any closer from resolving whatever it was her mind was trying to sort. After the second day he had a hawk dispatched to his Uncle hoping he had some insight. Unfortunately it was at least two or three days for a hawk to fly that far away. Zuko was hopeful Azula would awaken before he needed Uncle Iroh's insights.

He thought long and hard about his decision. In the end he supposed Mai was right. It had been a foolish choice. He easily could have been killed. Then what? Who would rule in his stead? He had no children, and Mai had no claim to the throne. Azula clearly would not be capable to lead. Would it be his Uncle or would the Fire Nation demand that his father be reinstated despite having no bending?

That was the thought that sobered him up right then and there.

Rather than dwell on that nightmare, Zuko wiped his sister's brow. "She was worth it." He said resolutely to himself. They were family. Mai had decided to give him another screaming fit when he finally came to bed the first night. He still couldn't help but smile at the memory. Her face was flush and red with anger. It was actually refreshing to see her feeling something that strongly. He still remembered his surprise when she came into the infirmary terrified that he was dying.

He also remembered the second slap she gave him when he interrupted her mid rant and told her how pretty she was when she was angry. In hindsight, he probably was too tired to be angry. Zuko smiled more when he thought of the tight hug she gave him right after.

Azula's stirring broke Zuko out of his reverie as he readied a ladle of water for her. She gulped greedily and her gold eyes fixed solidly on Zuko's for the first time in three days. Zuko held his breath hoping she was finally coming out of it. Her eyes opened a tiny bit as if she were too tired and dazed to widen them fully.

"Azula?" He asked concerned.

"I know you…" She said softly.

"That's right Azula. It's me. I'm here for …" He began softly.

"I know that voice…" She interrupted. "The Red Dragon. Leave me alone. I don't want to think anymore. The Red, The Blue, The Gold, I'm tired and can't think anymore. Leave me alone… Just leave me alone." She muttered softly before passing back out.

Zuko was taken back. He remembered visions of dragons in his dreams. It surprised him that there were Dragons in Azula's. Then again, dragons are a common staple of Fire Nation culture. Still, He wondered if the same color dragons that Zuko saw were the same ones she saw and heard. He thought back to his dream back in Ba Sing Sei. The Red Dragon had been his Uncle Iroh. It had been the voice of reason and peace. The Blue Dragon had been Azula's voice, his eyes narrowed as he recalled, It was the voice that tempted him to seize power. Were these the voices she heard? Dear Agni it was confusing.

Zuko rubbed his temples in thought. It didn't fit right he realized. She had called him the Red Dragon. Clearly whatever the Red Dragon was saying probably wasn't something she wanted to hear. As for the blue dragon, he could truly associate Azula as a blue dragon. Blue was never a color he liked, and Azula clearly loved blue. He figured the Blue Dragon was telling her something she wanted to hear. Zuko couldn't for the life of him figure out what the other dragon was for. He definitely would need to relay the information to his Uncle and see what he thought of all this.

Zuko sighed and leaned back. What was he supposed to do? He needed to be there for Azula. He didn't know why given all the grief she had caused everybody, but he knew he had to be by her side. He also realized he had a government to run. Things were running more smoothly than but not as well as he hoped. Things weren't going well with the Earth Kingdom Colonies. Some of those colonies had been there since before his father was born. Many of the people didn't want to abandon what they saw as their homes, not that Zuko blamed them. He may not have Mai's political savvy, but even he knew he was caught between a rock and a hard place. If he forced the colonials out his own people may rebel against him. If he did not return the land the Earth kingdom may simply reclaim the land by armed force and Zuko would be obligated to defend his people.

Zuko knew he should be in the throne room with Mai handling these things, but all he wanted was to be here for Azula. He sighed not sure where this sudden sense of sibling love came from. He supposed it came from how broken she had become. Where Azula was once a dragon, now she was simply a lame ostrich-horse struggling under its own weight on a broken leg. He felt sorry for her. He shook his head and wiped her head down again.

He sighed again and said softly: "I hope you come out of this fixed Azula."

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Azula looked around her new surroundings. It was dark, but not. A soft light seemed to be coming from somewhere. It was bright enough to see that she stood on a patterned round floor, and at the edges of the floor darkness waited with fog trailing in the infinite void beyond. Her eyes cast down to the pattern on the floor and confirmed that the marble, cool to the touch on her bare feet, displayed the checkered pattern of a pai-sho board. The board was large enough to play with humans as opposed to tiles and there was only one thing that broke the flatness of the board, and that was a statue in the middle of the field. She walked with trepidation towards the statue; her heart hammering in her head as she approached the gold flecked white marble and gasped seeing it was a statue of her.

It showed her, legs spread and hands on hips atop a dais as 'she' looked down on herself. Life sized, and flawlessly depicting her in her royal armor she looked at the expression on her, _no the statue's…_ face. Like everything the statue was perfect, giving the impression of muscles underneath the marble that subtly pulled its face into a closed lip angry smirk and narrowed eyes. She stared into the eyes of the statue, and though it was merely lifeless stone, there was… something about the way they just curved.

She felt an ache when she looked into its lifeless eyes. It was like an infectious mirror that showed her some forgotten pain that was desperately clamoring for attention. She reached out to touch the statue between the breasts, above her heart and her eyes twisted into a puzzled expression. The statue was warm. Not just warm but growing warmer.

In moments it went from body heat in temperature to so hot she had to jerk her arm away in a yelp of pain. She watched suddenly as cracks appeared in the façade of marble with little shrieks of shearing stone as wisps of smoke and small tongues of flame flickered from the flaws until the statue collapsed as it burst into flames.

Azula recoiled in shock and fear physically and mentally from watching 'herself' burn in effigy. The flames hissed and spat sounding like whispers speaking dragons' secrets. They hissed and popped like buzzard wasps inside her skull, just loud enough to make out the sound but not the meaning save the occasional word here and there such as: "honor", "power" and "love".

She grabbed her head and turned away hoping to distance herself from the sight and the sounds when she saw another statue had risen from the ground. This one was done in the same perfection as the first, but this one was different. The expression was wide-eyed and fearful and clasping its mouth as if afraid to speak. Azula side stepped it and tried to run, not caring that she could see the edge of the giant pai-sho board she was on.

Half-way to the edge another statue appeared from the ground directly in-front of her. This one had an angry and jealous scowl on its face. Azula turned and ran into another one. No matter which direction she turned another one appeared before her, each with a different emotion etched into its face. One appeared so abruptly that she fell on her rear. Frantically clawing herself to her feet, she ran from and dodged them until she was back in the middle of the board where she stopped in shock.

There stood her friends Mai and Ty Lee. They were both captured perfectly in marble likenesses. Even the choice in marble was perfect. Ty Lee was carved in a rosy pink stone and Mai, in some form of dusky grey stone. She was so focused on them that she wasn't even seeing the hordes of her marble doppelgängers as she stepped closer to them.

The statues were carved in the same manner from when she last saw them. The anger, confusion and betrayal were evident on their faces. "Don't look at me like that!" Azula yelled at the effigies. "You brought it on yourself! You were supposed to be my friends!" She shrieked at them finally letting the emotions boil up to the surface.

Just then, they burst into such brilliant blue flames that even Azula had to stare for a moment in horrid awe at their intensity. When the flames reduced the statues to nothing she saw she was circled by dozens of the statues of her. Each statue faced her and pointed accusingly towards her. She turned seeing the look of betrayal and anger on each of them.

She clenched her fists as everything inside her came ripping to the surface. "This wasn't my doing! They made their choice!" Striking at the air, blue flames erupted from her arms torching a statue. "They did this! It's all their fault!" She kept launching attack after attack, destroying likeness after likeness of her. "I didn't have a choice!" each time she saw their eyes it took more and more of the fight from her words as her blasts grow weaker as her conviction in her own words faded. "It wasn't my fault. I… I didn't mean to. I didn't…" Whispering now, she turned around fighting the moisture that threatened to spill from her eyes as she continued to assault her jury and then stopped.

There. Carved in stone appearing exactly as she appeared to her in her room those months ago stood her mother. "… mean to." She whispered as the statue started to smolder and catch alight burning deeply and slowly like a blue bonfire all of its own. "I… I…" Azula slumped to her knees watching as her mother burned in front of her and tears streamed down her eyes. "I'm sorry… I'm sorry" Barely even whispering her voice hoarse from her emotion and trying to speak through tears. "I'm so sorry for everything."

It was there that Azula, prodigy of the Fire Nation, wept on her knees begging far too late for forgiveness from the shadow of the mother consumed by the azure fires of her very own daughter's ambition. It was there that, after the brightness of the blue flames whispered into nothingness once consuming her mother that she saw the sinewy bodies of the three dragons speed through the darkness and devoured the hollow feeling husk of the former princess.

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Azula sat up with a start amongst a sea of blankets. Pushing herself up from the mass of them she looked about and saw she was in the palace's main infirmary. She also saw she was alone. No doctors, nurses or healers. She frowned and slid off the bed and caught herself. Her legs felt shaky. She felt weak, not just physically. She was emotionally drained and dragged herself to splash some water in her face. Prodigy she might have been, but she had enough of her fair share of training accidents, among other reasons she didn't want to dwell on, to know the infirmary by heart.

Pouring a pitcher of water into the stoppered sink she dipped her hands in the cool liquid and splashed her face a few times. She took a deep breath and with apprehension raised her face up to the mirror.

Suffice it to say the blue flames burning a scar identical to her brother's on the opposite side of her face were not what she expected to see.

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Azula suddenly sat bolted into a sitting position with a wide-eyed wild expression on her face. Gasping and hyperventilating in panic she stared straight ahead like a game animal backed into a corner. Zuko blinked and dropped his now forgotten scroll detailing army placement reports to the floor and put his hands up in as non-threatening manner as he could. "Azula it's all right." He spoke as softly and warmly as possible. "You're safe."

At the sound the princess turned to Zuko and focused her eyes on him "Zuko…?" he heard her whisper, and it was here that Zuko could only stare in concern. Azula's clear and naked relief at the recognition was so _obvious_ it was palatable. It wasn't until Azula half lunged at him and half fell off the bed that his concern gave way to shock.

Azula had wrapped her arms tightly around his form and burying her face into the soft fabric of his tunic she wept and wailed like a wounded animal. Zuko stayed frozen still in shock before his fraternal instincts finally roused him from his stupor and he wrapped his arms around her suddenly vulnerable form protectively as she stiffened slightly then melted deeper into him as her muffled cries wracked her shoulders harder.

"Shhh… It's going to be all right Azula. It's going to be all right." Zuko did his best to reassure her. In the back of his mind, he prayed she would be.

**A/N: There you go an update as promised before another 3 years! Hope you all enjoy!**


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